What Should I Do With a Husband Who Drinks, Does Drugs, Cheats, and Doesn’t Provide for Me and the Kids?

What Should I Do With a Husband Who Drinks, Does Drugs, Cheats, and Doesn’t Provide for Me and the Kids?

Question:

My husband, who used to be a practicing Muslim months ago, has changed completely over the past few years. He drinks every day, uses drugs, and cheated on me multiple times. We have four children together; one of them has severe autism. I have no money, and my husband is too unstable to support us financially for food, school, or clothing. I feel helpless and powerless because I don’t have my own income, and he doesn’t provide me with money.

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I am so sorry that you are going through this tremendous hardship with your husband. May Allah facilitate a way out for you.

Abuse

Substance abuse and lack of financial support are valid grounds for divorce in Islam. In addition to all this, he is being unfaithful. That being said, staying or leaving will not be easy. If you stay with him, you will probably have to find a job, since he is incapable, and find a way to manage him and the children. If you leave him, you will have to go through a difficult divorce, perhaps a custody battle, and still have to find a way to support yourself. You would also have to manage the effects of the divorce on the children.

If you stay

Can you speak to his family? Perhaps his parents or siblings can pitch in to help you financially. Try calling this hotline: [https://naseeha.org/] Can you apply for welfare from the government so that you have some financial support? Can you convince your husband to join a support group to help him overcome these addictions? Helping him admit that he has a problem is the first step down a very long road to recovery. These are some of the steps that you need to take if you stay. You are the best person to help and support him because you know him, his circumstances, his triggers, and his environment. You are not, however, obliged to stay.

If you leave

If you do decide to leave, pray istikhara first, consult your family and in-laws, a local imam, and speak to others who have been in similar situations. Get the support of family and friends around you. If he doesn’t give you a divorce, you can ask for a khula. Plan on where you will live and plan to get a job or study a skill set to acquire a job. Join a support group because you cannot do this alone.
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/shafii-fiqh/can-husband-forgo-payment-khula-agreement-shafii/

Turn to Allah

Most importantly, pray that Allah sends you the best solution and show your gratitude to Him by trying your best with what you have. Establish the habit of praying on time, reading some Qur’an daily, and supplicating before dawn. Teach your children the same and give them their due in knowledge, love, and education.

Given the considerations in such cases, please consult reliable local scholars about the specifics of the situation.

May Allah lift this tribulation from you and give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.