How Can I Make Myself Get Over Unrequited Love?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am 23 years old and I have liked a boy for nine years. I asked if he likes me but he ignored me and told my friend he doesn’t. My heart and mind do not accept this. He has a girlfriend and I have never been in a relationship. I can’t get to know another man because I keep remembering this boy.

I prayed a lot to Allah to stop the suffering; tahajjud and daily adhkar but I don’t know why Allah isn’t helping me. My heart keeps giving me hope but I keep telling myself that it’s been years and to stop the insanity.

I have depression and anxiety and I’m getting treatment for it. I don’t know why Allah is doing this to me, have I done something wrong?  How can I solve this? I also get evil eye and envy. I feel scared and embarrassed to see him outside.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are suffering like this and that I empathize with your pain. I pray that you can forget about this boy and move on.

Standards

You must have higher standards for yourself. Why would you want a boy who disobeys Allah by having a girlfriend? Does he even pray five times a day? You should do better than wanting an open sinner. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) advised us that marrying a person for piety is the best path to success, and this boy doesn’t seem like he would be good for you at all. Tell your heart that your desires don’t make sense, and hopefully, he will start to fade from your thoughts. When he enters your thoughts, make dhikr, and do it every time so he starts to slowly dissipate from your mind.

Allah’s Help

You mention that Allah is not helping you but He is. You just have to clear your mind to see it. He has made this love unrequited, as a protection and blessing for you. He is not good for you. You should focus on your study or work, and seek out a person who is better for you, in terms of religion. Be grateful that he didn’t poison your life. Allah Most High has told us, “If you are grateful, I will add more (favors) unto you.“ [Quran, 14:7] Never accuse Allah of not helping you, lest He stops.

Turn to Allah

Turn to Allah during this confusing time and rest assured that Allah knows what is better for you. Trust him. Prayer and supplication are great tools right now and you should supplicate daily before dawn, which is a special time for supplication to be answered. Ask Allah to transform you into a person who lives and breathes for his pleasure and only seeks that which will benefit. Also, keep this important prophetic hadith in mind, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah, the Almighty, but that Allah will replace it with something better.” [Ahmad]

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.