How Can I Deal with an Extremely Abusive Father?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I have an extremely abusive father; he abused me emotionally and physically. I left home a year ago. I don’t want to keep any ties with him because I feel content when he is not around. I have considered bare minimum contact with him, but I am sure he will try his best to turn it into everyday contact, and I will eventually be in the same situation I was before. He doesn’t care about me at all, only his prestige in society. I don’t want to disobey Allah in any way.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain. Your father has betrayed your rights as a human and as a Muslim. I am grateful that you were able to leave and get away from the violence.
If you have been on your own for over a year, it might not be a bad time to introduce him into your life slowly. Try one phone call a month and be kind to him. It will be much easier to have him back in your life in a minimum way after you are married to a man who will protect you. If you still need more time, let him know that you plan to get in touch after you feel better. There is no need for any threats or cutting ties of kinship. You should see a therapist or counselor in order to deal with the trauma. Even an elder or imam or good religious friends can offer you a coping mechanism.
The most powerful tool you have is your connection to your Lord. Ask Him to heal you, guide you, make you a better Muslim, increase your faith, and help you through all difficulties. Devote and commit yourself to Him through obligatory works, and He will bless you through it all. Trust in Him and His plan for you. Please see the links below. May Allah bring out of this stronger, better, and a source to help others.
The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “There are three whose supplication is not rejected: The fasting person when he breaks his fast, the just leader, and the supplication of the oppressed person; Allah raises it up above the clouds and opens the gates of heaven to it. And the Lord says: ‘By My might, I shall surely aid you, even if it should be after a while.’” [Tirmidhi]
Related:
- Am I Sinful for Not Answering the Phone Calls of My Abusive Father?
- To What Extent of a Boundary Can I Have with Dysfunctional Parents?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
