Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I separated a year and a half ago due to fighting with my wife. She accused me of having an affair with my first wife. My first wife has remarried, and the two kids that I had with her stay with her. I also have two kids with my second wife. When my second wife needs me, she calls me to her house when her family is not home.
Before they return, she tells me to leave. I told her to live with me, but she said I had to ask her family. I spoke to her father, but she insisted that I talk to her brother, who just yelled at me for going to see his sister. His family always tells me they are rich so she can live with them as I am a struggling person. But I always took care of her since we married. When I threatened to remarry, she told me Allah would bring us together again if I didn’t remarry.
I deeply empathize with the pain you have as your wife is refusing to come home. This is purely unIslamic and impermissible on her part. I pray that she comes to her senses.
Turn to Allah and Supplicate
Please know that Allah is the only Changer of Hearts and takes charge of all believers’ affairs. This situation was meant to happen, and Allah Most High wants you to react to this correctly; see it as a test.
The first step in any test is to assess your relationship with Allah. Are you praying on time? Do you pay zakat? Do you consume only halal? Do you deal with usury? Have you taken the time to learn about your religion and apply it? Now is the time. Please turn to Allah with your whole being and ask him to change you for the better.
Make du’a to him at tahajjud time, before dawn, and ask Him to help you through this. Pray The Prayer Of Need and ask Him with your heart to change your situation and make some good come out of it. Pray that your children are not negatively affected.
A third Party
Speak to someone you can trust, perhaps an elder, imam, or trusted friend, and ask him to intervene. Let him pass along the message that it is not permissible for a woman to stay away from her husband if he has not divorced her. It is wiser and better for the children than the father is in their lives. No family should ever break up one’s daughter’s family. It will come back to bite them.
If All Else Fails
If your attempts at reconciling don’t work, please pray istikhara about what you should do with your future. You threatened her that you would remarry, but are you prepared to have children with three different women? Are you financially able to support them? Please consider your options and ask Allah to guide you to the best thing for your worldly life and afterlife.
Give to Receive
Give charity and help those around you. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever relieves a Muslim of a burden from the burdens of the world, Allah will relieve him of a load from the burden on the Day of Judgement. And whoever helps ease the difficulty in the world, Allah will grant him ease from difficulty in this world and the Hereafter. And whoever covers (the faults of) a Muslim, Allah will cover (his faults) in this world and the Hereafter. And Allah is engaged in helping the worshipper as long as the worshipper is helping his brother.” [Tirmidhi]
Please say these du’as daily and trust Allah will send you help. Please check this link:
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical, and Emotional Wellbeing
May Allah Most High facilitate your affairs for you.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.