Should I Secretly Marry My Ex-fiance despite My Father’s Rejection?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad


Can I proceed with a nikah despite my father’s objections due to cultural reasons, even though he initially agreed to the marriage proposal?


Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration, and I pray that you communicate and compromise with your father. A secret nikah is not the answer, and he would have the right to annul it anyway if he found out.


First, although you feel sure about this man, you must take the correct steps and pray Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance. Try to pray in the early time before fajr for Allah is keen to answer dua and to forgive at this time. Until you have a positive istikhara, you don’t know if he is good for you.

Choose to supplicate before dawn as the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Our Lord, who is blessed and exalted, descends every night to the lowest heaven when the last one-third of the night remains and says: Who supplicated Me so that I may answer him? Who asks of Me so that I may give to him? Who asks My forgiveness so that I may forgive him?” [Tirmidhi]

If positive

If Allah Most High gives you positive feelings about marrying him, be patient and pray that Allah makes an opening for you. Nothing can be done without your father’s approval, as you require this for marriage. I advise you to use a gentle approach to convince him.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Allah is gentle and loves gentleness, and He grants reward for it that He does not grant for harshness.” [Ibn Maja]

Discuss It Openly

Your ex-fiance should openly and honestly discuss how serious he is about you with your father. He should tell him that he is willing to wait until they change their minds and that he is devoted to Allah and His Messenger and will be a good Muslim husband. He should ask him to pray istikhara again and meet with him a few more times.

Make Dua and Give Charity

Turn to Allah in fervent du`a to help you in this time of need. Pray the Prayer of Need. Recite these duas and memorize them if you can. Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical, and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long My teacher once told me that nothing gets rid of a problem like giving charity. So give regularly; may Allah accept it and facilitate your path.

If Nothing Works, Walk Away

Never allow yourself to get so emotionally attached to a man you can’t walk away. If your father disapproves, there is not much you can do about it if it doesn’t work out. You would have to move on and forget about him completely. This is not easy to do with a broken heart. I pray that it does not come to this, but be prepared for anything. If Allah wills for this to not work out, trust in Him, submit to His decree, and look forward to something better.

Find solace in the following hadith: The Prophet (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Wondrous is the affair of a believer for there is good in every affair of his, and this is not the case with anyone else except the believer. If he has an occasion to feel delighted, he thanks (Allah). Thus, there is a good for him in it, and if he is harmed, he endures it patiently. Thus there is a good for him in it.” [Muslim]

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May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.