Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
My issue is that my husband got into an argument with his parents over his sister who is living a haram life and having extramarital affairs. In the beginning, the parents opposed this, but now they let her do it and have pardoned her, and they want my husband to pardon her too. But my husband does not want to, and he said that he will cut ties with his parents if they let her visit them.
Thank you for your question. I empathize with you being stuck between your husband’s desire for your sister to do the right thing and his parents’ way of dealing with it. May Allah guide her.
Cutting Off Ties
There is no question that your husband may not cut ties with your parents. It is (haram) prohibited, and an illogical step in trying to guide his sister. Threatening someone never changes anything, because it makes them rebel more. Rather they should be dealt with mercy and understanding, they should be given knowledge. Supplication (dua) is very important and one should spend more time praying for her guidance than anything else.
Allah has said, “Those who violate Allah’s covenant after it has been affirmed, break whatever [ties] Allah has ordered to be maintained, and spread corruption in the land. It is they who are the [true] losers.” [Quran, 2:27]
Your sister-in-law is openly sinning, but she should not be cut off, in my opinion. Rather, she should not be allowed to bring her boyfriend to the house of her parents. She is still their daughter and their being present in her life is a positive connection to her religion and a constant reminder of God. God-fearingness (taqwa) cannot be beaten into her, so she will have to be pulled to Islam through love, and kindness. My advice is that he not cut her off, but teach her and talk to her, and advise her.
Please see these excellent answers for more information:
Should I Maintain Ties with Family Who Openly Sin or Shun Them?
Is It Permissible to Disown an Actively Homosexual Family Member?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.