Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I did zina with three different men. I regret my actions and am remorseful, guilty, tainted, used, and damaged. I feel worthless. I have kept this secret hidden from my family because I don’t want them hurt. I have an excellent prospect for marriage, and I don’t know if I should tell him I am not a virgin.
Does he need to know? If I don’t tell my future partner, does that mean I am committing another sin by lying? I don’t want to start a marriage based on a lie. As of today, it’s been almost one year since I did Zina, and I have no intention of doing it ever again. What is the Islamic perspective?
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your sincerity and for your very honest and true repentance.
You must withhold your secret from him, even after marriage, due to what our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us below. This is not starting marriage based on a lie, it is starting marriage based on not divulging that which Allah hates to be divulged.
Abu Hurayra, Allah be pleased with him, reports that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “All my community will be excused except those who are blatant. And it is from blatancy for one to perform an act at night and to wake up and tell something that they did such-and-such while Allah had concealed it for them. They slept under cover of Allah, and they rent asunder Allah’s covering from themselves in the morning.” [Bukhari; Muslim]
Please see these links as well for much more detail:
- Is It Permissible to Lie In Order to Conceal Past Sins?
- Disclosing Past Sins.
- How Should I Deal with My Husband Inquiring about My Past Sins?
- Informing a Prospective Spouse About Past Non-Marital Relationships.
- Will My Future Husband Find Out About My Virginity?
- Should I Tell My Spouse About My Relationships Before I Got Married?
- Seeking Forgiveness for Premarital Relationship and Informing One’s Spouse.
- My Friend Committed Fornication in the Past, and Wants to Tell Her Prospective Husband About It. Is This a Good Idea?
- Are There Valid Reasons to Reveal Sins?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.