How Should I Deal with My Husband Inquiring about My Past Sins?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I was in a relationship with a man, so we decided to marry.

Now he and his family are asking around about me to expose mistakes that I committed in my teenage years. He keeps questioning my reputation and asks to know exactly what I did in the past.

What shall I do now that my past is coming back to haunt me?

Answer

I am sorry to hear that your husband is delving into your past in this way. It is not permissible for him to investigate your past, nor to ask you about it, nor for you to tell him.

Everyone Will Be Forgiven, except…

Allah’s Messenger, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “All the sins of my followers will be forgiven except those of the Mujahirin (those who commit a sin openly or disclose their sins to the people). An example of such disclosure is that a person commits a sin at night and though Allah screens it from the public, then he comes in the morning, and says, ‘O so-and-so, I did such-and-such (evil) deed yesterday,’ though he spent his night screened by his Lord and in the morning he removes Allah’s screen from himself.” [Bukhari]

Forgiven and Forgotten

You should kindly tell him that the past is in the past and that you have made repentance (tawba) for all your sins, great and small. Ask him: If your repentance is good enough for Allah, is it good enough for you?

The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Allah, Most High, said, ‘O son of Adam! Verily as long as you called upon Me and hoped in Me, I forgave you, despite whatever may have occurred from you, and I did not mind. O son of Adam! Were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky, then you sought forgiveness from Me, I would forgive you, and I would not mind. So son of Adam! If you came to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you met Me not associating anything with Me, I would come to you with forgiveness nearly as great as it.’” [Tirmidhi]

Focus on the Future

Ask your husband to be patient and to look to the future only. Establish good marital habits with him, and fulfill your duties to him. Tell him that the time to ask about what kind of person you are is over; you are already married now. He must ignore his baseless misgivings (waswasa). Build a strong bond with him, take a course on obligatory knowledge together and worship together.

Course Suggestion:
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage

May Allah bless you in this union.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.