Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I have been in a relationship for two years and then got engaged. Weeks before, he canceled the wedding. I was devastated, and I had a nervous breakdown. I love him and can’t see myself with anyone else. He contacted me after a while to apologize.
He told me he still cared for me, but he wasn’t ready and got scared and couldn’t see himself being tied down. I am unsure if there’s another girl. I’m hoping we can reconcile. We are texting, but I have not seen him yet. Is there anything I can read to bring my love back to me? How to mend a broken heart?
I genuinely empathize with your difficult situation. It is very cowardly to cancel a wedding, but at the same time, this is a blessing. You don’t want to be with this man.
The suitor in question told you he was scared to be tied down. So why did he propose? He told you he wasn’t ready, so why did he plan a wedding with you? Does he now feel the pain, hardship, and waste of money that he has caused? I believe this person is half a man, and you are lucky to get out of marrying him. Please do not see or try to get him back, for he only lusts after you and wants a fling. He is not severe or committed and will teach his children terrible qualities of unfaithfulness and cowardice. Instead, look for someone courageous, kind, selfless, hard-working, generous, honest and dignified.
Mending a broken heart is challenging but doable. Speak your pain out loud and tell yourself that you are hurt. It is healthy to acknowledge what you feel to find a way to work through it and not go around it.
Make a gratitude journal. This can help to shift the perspective from focusing on the negative to recognizing the positive. If there are days that you can’t think of something to be grateful for, remember that we can and should be thankful for a good cry. Releasing your pain through crying is therapeutic.
Keep the company of good religious friends and family. Remember self-care. Rest, eat healthily, and exercise to the point of sweat because the endorphins released will help. Get fresh air every day. Help another person in need. Serving others and doing charitable deeds shows other people’s pain and can help you get past your own.
Last but not least, mend your relationship with Allah Most High. Turn to him wholly, and be the best servant that you can be. Pray on time, pay zakat on time, stay away from the haram, learn what is expected from you, and worship Him as he should be. Trust that this situation was meant to happen and take what benefit you can. Know that this experience has strengthened you and made you more intelligent, and you can channel this pain to get closer to Allah. Be cautious not to form another attachment to a man unless Islamically appropriate. Being in a relationship for two years before engagement is unacceptable and requires you to repent.
May Allah help you through this and give you an excellent partner that deserves you.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.