Must I Proceed with Marrying My Fiance Whom I Slept with Even When He Hits Me?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Please don’t judge that I have committed the sin of zina with my fiancé. He is all good but short-tempered and hit me in the face when I found out he was cheating on me and making out with another girl. He broke my phone and hit me. We live in Canada, so I left him and went to my sister in the US. He promised he won’t hit me again but today he hit me again just because I was misbehaving on text.
He doesn’t want me to leave him as he loves me a lot, and he says Allah will not forgive me because I am a zaniya (fornicatress) and now I have to marry him. What should I do? I’m emotionally and physically abused, scared of Allah’s punishment that I’ll never be forgiven if I don’t marry him and repent.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your fear and frustration, and I pray that you can get away from this man as soon as you can.
Physical Abuse
A man who has hit you once will hit you for the rest of your life. A man rarely repents in such a way that he never does it again. I encourage you to run away from him, never look back, delete his contact, and seek a spouse according to prophetic advice.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed! “[Bukhari; Muslim] This applies to both genders.
Don’t get stuck as a victim in a cycle of violence, put away all emotions, use logic, dua, and religion, consult family and friends, and leave while you still can. It’s a tremendous mercy that you are only engaged to him, it is easier to walk away now.
Unforgiven
What he said about being unforgiven is completely wrong and false; it’s just his tool to manipulate you out of fear and shame. Every single sin is forgiven in Islam, except associating partners with Allah (shirk), even murder, fornication, theft, adultery, etc. All you need is sincere repentance. Remember not to despair, for Allah Most High has said, “Say: My servants who have wronged yourselves, never despair of God’s mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.” [Quran, 39:53]
Please see these links as well:
Muslim Scholars On Spousal Abuse
What Are the Conditions of Making Tawba?
A Reader on Tawba (Repentance)
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
