How Can I Stop Committing Adultery as a Married Man?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

May Allah, the Almighty, forgive all of our sins. My marriage has been going on for almost two years, and Almighty Allah has blessed my family with a child. I was fornicating prior to marriage and repented, but I wonder why I keep falling back into the same sin.

I’ve committed adultery over ten times since getting married, and my wife has never suspected a thing. I’m feeling guilty, but how can I stop committing adultery?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I cannot sympathize with your state of affairs and I think you should do seriously contemplate what you are doing with your life.

Halal vs. Haram

If Allah has given you a Muslim wife and child, you are expected to treat them well, be loyal, and honest, be a good role model, and make your home revolve around the mention of Allah and His Messenger. Why would you seek out another woman when you can sleep with your wife? The parable of what you are doing is like one who has halal meat to eat at home but rather chooses to go out and eat pork instead. Does it make sense? Adultery is an enormity and deserves stoning to death if you were living under Islamic rule. Allah Most High says, “Do not go near adultery. It is truly a shameful deed and an evil way.” [Quran, 17:32]

Attraction

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) recognized that men will be attracted to other women, and this was his advice: Jabir bin Abdullah narrated, “The Prophet saw a woman, then he went to Zainab to fulfill his need and he left. He said, ‘Indeed when a woman enters, she enters in the image of Shaytan. So when one of you sees a woman that he is fascinated with, then let him go to his wife, for indeed with her (his wife) is the same as that which is with her.” [Tirmidhi]

Tawba

You must immediately repent for what you have done and never return to it. See this Reader on Tawba (Repentance) for details.

Try these steps, as well:

  • Stop looking at images of uncovered women on any screens;
  • Only consume halal food;
  • Don’t deal with usury;
  • Pray on time five times a day, don’t miss the Friday prayer;
  • Read some portion of Quran daily with the meaning;
  • Supplicate to Allah before dawn and pray the Prayer of Need;
  • Pray the Prayer of Repentance;
  • Start fasting twice a week to weaken your lusts;
  • Stop lying to yourself;
  • Picture yourself telling your child what you have done when he/she is grown up;
  • Go to therapy to discuss your feelings;
  • Never tell your wife because you will break her heart and you may not uncover a sin that Allah has covered for you;
  • Be grateful for not having been exposed and for being given a chance to change;
  • Try different things in the bedroom with your wife to keep up the excitement.

If you don’t make a concerted effort to stop this, you could easily lose your wife, your child, your wealth, your property, your reputation, your self-respect, your health, and even your religion.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.