How Do I Help My Parents Stop Their Toxicity and Corruption?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My parents just don’t like each other and one of them is having an affair and lies to us about where they’re going and searches explicit content. The other parent watches TikToks of the opposite gender, and it breaks my heart. I cry so much & I can’t tell anyone as I don’t want to expose their sins and am embarrassed. I don’t want to confront them either as I feel it will change the relationship dynamic. My siblings will notice it and find out, and I don’t want to hurt them. I’m scared to marry now, too.
Answer
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain and frustration and I pray that your parent’s situation improves. This is true toxicity and I’m afraid that you can’t stay quiet.
Speaking up
You must speak up to each parent about the haram that they are doing in a respectful and polite way. Sometimes, a couple of sentences can make all the difference. Don’t think twice about affecting your relationship with them. You sound like a wise and smart young adult who has the ability to show her parents that they are wrong. Our religion is one of commanding the good and forbidding the wrong, and this is a unique quality of our nation.
Please see this link about when and how to do this:
The Criteria of Enjoining Good and Forbidding Evil
Their burden
After speaking to your parents, don’t nag them, but pray to Allah fervently and ask Him to end their corruption. Pray the Prayer of Need and ask Allah to reunite their hearts and correct their behavior. You are not responsible for the final outcome, and you are not tasked to carry more than you can bear. Their sins are not your sin. However, your silence could be sinful if think that you could have helped them.
Please see these answers for more tips:
My Father Looks At Pornography
My Father Watches Pornography, What Shall I Do?
Steps
Some steps that you might try:
-Insist on spending more time with them. Ask to go to the mosque with them, pray with them, take walks with them, exercise with them
-Have people over. Invite pious friends and increase your social circle. Bring beneficial and inspiring people to the house.
-Give them books to read, enroll in classes at Seeker with them. Forward to them useful content.
-Encourage them to call naseeha.org, and to use this website to fight their addictions: purifyyourgaze.com
-Say these du’as, and read Qur’an daily: Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long
Given the considerations in such cases, we urge you to please consult reliable local scholars or counselors about the specifics of the situation. Jazakum Allah khayr. May Allah facilitate all ease and good for you.
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
