Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam alaykum,

I am unmarried and support my family financially. Unfortunately, my father has a temper, and he recently hit my mother and me. I no longer feel safe. Is it permissible for me to move out?

Answer: Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Safety

Dear sister, I am so sorry that you have been physically assaulted by your own father. May Allah grant you and your entire family a complete healing.

Because you have been hurt, you have the right, and possibly the obligation, to move out. Please do everything in your power to stay safe, and heal.

Mother

Please speak to your mother before you move out. I am concerned for her well-being, especially after you leave your family home.

Please assess the level of risk your mother is facing. Will staying in your father’s home bring more harm to your mother? If so, is it possible for you to take your mother with you, at least temporarily, until your father gets some help?

Is there an elder in your community he takes advice from?

Prayer

When your family is so fractured, it is an absolute must for you to wake up for tahajjud. Wake up in the last third of the night, and perform The Prayer of Need. Beg Allah for help and healing.

Family ties

Please continue to support your family financially, and in whatever way you can manage e.g. email, call, send gifts etc.

It may take many years before you are able to have a civil relationship with your father. In the meantime, please make dua for your parents, after every obligatory prayer, and during tahajjud.

Counseling

I urge you to speak to a culturally-sensitive counselor.

Please look into the trauma healing work of Hakim Archuletta and Peter Levine. Hakim Archuletta teaches at the yearly Zawiyah retreat in Rosales, Spain. Please bring your family if you can.

Dear sister, I pray that Allah helps you transform your trauma, and makes you a mean of healing for others.

Please see:

Can an Unmarried Young Woman Live Alone?
How Can I Help My Mother Despite My Abusive Father?

Wassalam,

[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.

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"Whoever guides someone to goodness will have a similar reward"-- The Prophet (Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him)