Obeying One’s Parents and Maintaining Ties of Kinship
Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam
Question
My question is what if a mother is telling you to cut of ties with her as the daughter will not leave her husband on her say so. The daughter does by force sometimes go to see them but mother does not speak with her. Is the daughter at fault here? As she has no problem with her husband and also feels that a divorce is something displeasing to Allah.
Answer
I pray that you are in the best of health and faith, insha’Allah.
No, the daughter is not at fault. She appears to be doing her best given her circumstances and she will have her reward with her Lord.
The Narration (hadith)
A man came to the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) and said: ‘O Messenger of Allah! There is a young man who is approaching death. It is said to him, ‘Say: There is no god but Allah’, but he is not able to say it. So he said (Allah bless him and give him peace), ‘Didn’t he used to say it during his life?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘So what prevented him from doing so now?’ He subsequently mentioned the whole story.’’ [Musnad Ahmad]
The verifier, Shaykh Shu`ayb Arna`ut, notes that its chain of transmission is weak.
As for the remainder of the story, its chain is also very weak.
The Rights of Parents
Being good to one’s parents is an unconditional duty as per the Qur’anic command, ‘and do good to parents’ [17:23]
There are many manifestations of being ‘good’ to one’s parents and obedience is often one of them. There are some cases in which one would not obey one’s parents; such cases include obeying them in leaving obligations (fard), doing something unlawful (haram), non-fulfillment of rights and the like. However, even in cases where in one does not obey them, one is still duty-bound to be ‘good’ to them.
Moreover, parents don’t own their children. Therefore, she will not be expected to leave her husband on her mother’s say so. However, in such instances, one must respond with gentleness and wisdom.
Maintaining Ties of Kinship
It is obligatory to maintain ties of kinship and cutting ties is a grave sin.
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain the ties of kinship.’ [Bukhari]
`Abdullah ibn `Amr reported: “The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘A person who maintains ties of kinship is not someone who only does so with those who maintain ties with him. A person who maintains ties of kinship is someone who restores them when they have been cut off.’” [ibid.]
What is emphasised is one’s maintaining the ties of kinship when others cut them off. So, she should keep visiting, give gifts and pray for her mother. And by her upholding righteous character, Allah may well turn her mother’s heart back towards her, insha’Allah.
And Allah alone gives success.
Wassalam,
[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
