What Is My Responsibility Toward My Sick, Older Sister and Parents?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
As an unmarried younger sister, to what extent am I responsible for my mentally unwell elder sister who refuses help and is becoming reclusive? How should I balance my responsibilities toward her, my parents, and my future, including marriage, without feeling overwhelmed?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with the stress and burden that you are feeling and I urge you to take it one day at a time. Do your best for those around you without sacrificing your own mental health and well-being.
Provide Relief
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever relieves a Muslim of a burden from the burdens of the world, Allah will relieve him of a burden from the burdens on the Day of Judgement. And whoever helps ease a difficulty in the world, Allah will grant him ease from a difficulty in the world and the Hereafter. And whoever covers (the faults of) a Muslim, Allah will cover (his faults) for him in the world and the Hereafter. And Allah is engaged in helping the worshipper as long as the worshipper is engaged in helping his brother.” [Tirmidhi]
In terms of the present, I assume you are studying or working, so you should help her and your parents as much as you are able. A mentally unwell sister should have a psychiatrist or some other professional help, and I urge you to make your parents aware of this. Otherwise, if your sister is refusing help, don’t feel bad. Help her when she allows it, and keep your distance when she doesn’t. Allah (Most High) will undoubtedly help you while you are helping your family, in ways you never imagined.
Financial Care
If your parents and sister need your financial help in the future, you will be responsible for providing for them as much as you are able.
Please see more details here:
Future Husband
Please inform any prospective suitor that you might be the sole provider for your parents and sister and that Islamic obligation cannot be ignored. If he is Godfearing, he will welcome it with open arms and perhaps aid you in it if he can.
Overwhelmed
Please these excellent tips on dealing with feeling overwhelmed:
- How Do I Deal With the Overwhelming Responsibilities and Lack of Achievements in My Life?
- How Do I Calm My Worries?
- Amazing Supplications When Faced With Stress and Anxiety – Habib Kadhim
- Provision and Work: A Reader
Dua
I encourage you to say this dua of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) daily:
اللّهُـمَّ رَحْمَتَـكَ أَرْجـو فَلا تَكِلـني إِلى نَفْـسي طَـرْفَةَ عَـيْنٍ وَأَصْلِـحْ لِي شَأْنـي كُلَّـه لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أنْـت
O Allah, I hope for Your mercy. Do not leave me to myself even for the blinking of an eye, and rectify all of my affairs for me. There is none worthy of worship but You. [Abu Dawud]
Please see more details here:
- Am I Allowed to Give My Disabled Sister a Home Care?
- How Can I Make Binding on My Spouse to Not Prevent Me From Getting the Custody of My Disabled Sibling?
- Who Will Take Care of My Parents If I Marry?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.