Will Allah Hate Me for Trying to Run Away from My Abusive Parents?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My parents are very abusive. They have been like that since I can remember. I got beaten up a lot, not to mention the emotional abuse, such as making fun of my body, voice, clothes, and how I talk. I’m now 16, and I plan to run away from them once I’m 18. Will Allah hate me or my actions when I do that?

Answer

May Allah reward you for your patience and for giving them as much respect as possible while you are with them.

Abuse

It is impermissible for your parents to abuse you in any way, and they will be held accountable for their behavior toward you. Parents have no right to humiliate, mock, threaten, or hit their children in a harmful way.

This behavior is contrary to everything that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) was. Allah forbids oppression in this famous Hadith Qudsi:

Abu Dharr reported Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) as saying that Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, said:

“O My servants, I have forbidden oppression for Myself and have made it forbidden amongst you, so do not oppress one another.

O My servants, all of you are astray except for those I have guided, so seek the guidance of Me, and I shall guide you,

O My servants, all of you are hungry except for those I have fed, so seek food of Me, and I shall feed you.

O My servants, all of you are naked except for those I have clothed, so seek clothing of Me, and I shall clothe you.

O, My servants, you sin by night and by day, and I forgive all sins, so seek forgiveness of Me, and I shall forgive you.

O, My servants, you will not attain harming Me so as to harm Me, and will not attain benefitting Me so as to benefit Me.

O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as pious as the most pious heart of any one man of you, that would not increase My dominion in anything.

O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as wicked as the most wicked heart of any one man of you, that would not decrease My dominion in anything.

O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to rise in one place and make a request of Me, and were I to give everyone what he requested, that would not decrease what I have, any more than a needle decreases the sea if put into it.

O, My servants, it is your deeds that I record for you and then recompense you. So let him who finds good, praise Allah, and let him who finds other than that blame no one but himself.” [Muslim]

Your Actions

I ask you to weigh all of your options. Is it easier to be on your own than with them? Do you have enough money? Where will you stay? What about the love and security that you get from your parents? Does that mean nothing? Have you made a point of being good to them, or is it only their fault? I don’t know enough about your situation to tell you what to do, but I know that many who run away truly regret their decision.

Others who suffer like you find coping mechanisms to stay at home, and they seek aid with patience and prayer and plan to move out of their home through their studies or career.

They share this plan with their parents, and nothing is done without their knowledge, even if they hesitatingly agree. Instead of making a rash decision, use logic, wisdom, and trust in Allah fully and remember this Quranic verse, “[…] And whoever is mindful of Allah, He will make a way out for them.” [Quran, 65:2]

Please see these tips as well:
Can I Move Out Due to Abusive Parents and Siblings?
Is It Permissible To Move Out of Your Home and Not Tell Your Family Where You Are Out of Fear of Abuse?
Can I Move Out Due to Abusive Parents and Siblings?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.