Question: I know that sexting is haram (exchange of indecent photos). As for the written messages, they are sexually explicit where people imagine having sex. I understand that these are haram when done out of lust towards a non-mahram. What if someone exchanges these sexually explicit messages without any lust, how do we prove it to be haram? What if two fiances are doing this without lust just to imagine each other’s future married life? Secondly, I read on the internet that a woman said that when someone is tired of monotony in a relationship, sexting can help one to remove monotony without actually physically cheating. How do we refute this statement? I know this is still cheating. Can you talk about zina of the tongue?
Thank you for your question.
Writing sexually explicit messages to a non-mahram, or fiance (without a nikah) is impermissible. The reason is that Islam does not permit indecent interaction of any kind unless two are married. This includes all forms of interaction, visual, audible, digital, on paper., etc. Doing this with or without lust is irrelevant. The action itself is impermissible as Allah, Most High, has told us in the Qur’an to not approach adultery.
As for sexting a foreign man in order to remove the monotony from one’s marriage, this would also be impermissible and foolish. A couple should be able to speak about their issues and be willing to get creative to remove monotony, not involve a third party for the novelty. Such behaviour is not helpful, immature, and can destroy a marriage.
You will find proofs and details here:
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.