Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat responds to a Christian woman asking for advice about marrying a Muslim man.
I am a non-Muslim woman who is falling in love with a Muslim man I work with. I believe in God and my family are non-practicing Christians.
The man I care for has all the qualities I longed for a partner to have but never found until now.
He has rekindled my own faith and makes me want to be better. He has told me he is fond of me also but I am aware that we can not have any physical contact etc. He has also expressed that I would need to be Muslim to be with him (Marry). He does not want me to convert to be with him but because I truly believe in Islam.
I love listening to him telling me about Islam and have begun to read the (translated) Qur’an to try to understand Islam better. I feel a pull towards it as I naturally seem to possess qualities that closely align with Islam but I am confused and torn between Islam and Christianity.
I believe Islamically the man could still marry me if I am Christian and I would support him in raising any children we may have Muslim, but he wants me to be Muslim too.
I don’t believe we would have met and shared mutual fondness for each other if it was not blessed by God as both of us before knowing the other was interested tried to ignore it and prayed for guidance and were still lead to each other in odd “coincidences.” We have done our best to keep our relationship/interaction halal as this is important to him and to me as I can not bear to be the cause of him to sin.
What should I do?
I pray you are well.
Thank you for reaching out to us. I pray that God facilitates that which is best for you both, in this, and the next life.
It’s a huge blessing from God that He presented this opportunity to you. The person you refer to sounds like an excellent individual, and your open-mindedness has allowed his qualities to shine through.
He is right. You should look into Islam with an open mind and heart. God has opened up an opportunity to learn about Islam, and put you in a position to learn about its beauty and see it embodied in an upstanding individual.
Our ‘Why Islam is True‘ podcast is an excellent place to start.
The heart of the matter here is that we, as Muslims, are convinced of Islam’s being the the final, and truest set of beliefs and practices revealed to humanity by the Creator. It is the natural progression of what the other Abrahamic faiths lead to, and the perfect balance of a righteous worldly life, the devotion to divine that spirit yearns for, and cognizance of the ever-lasting life that is certain to come to us all after death.
This truth is based on sound, rational proofs, among other things, such as thousands of documented miracles – the greatest of them being the Qur’an itself. A believer in this truth feels completely at ease once it settles in a his heart. The mind can easily accept it. It feels natural for the body to submit to its dictates. And the soul thrives in its light.
It is commendable that this individual asked you to accept this based on personal conviction. As Muslims, we are not a recruitment drive. There are no targets to hit; no agenda to serve. Rather, the Messenger of God told us that “No one truly believes until they love for their brother what they would love for themselves.” The brotherhood referred to here is that which binds humanity as they are all the children of Adam.
We want perpetual, permanent, Paradisal bliss for ourselves and everyone else on the planet. Everyone makes their own choice though.
Marrying a Non-Muslim Lady
Islam does allow a Muslim man to marry a Jewish or Christian lady, but would anyone want his beloved wife to come to any harm? Rejecting God and His Messengers has consequences. This is clearly why he wants you to learn about and accept Islam on your own accord.
There is also the matter of the children. Would they not be confused as to why each parent has a different religion – especially when religions talk about eternal fates? What about other matters, such as important questions each religion answers differently, or points of practice?
The Messenger of Allah
God sent us Messengers to convey to us His will, and to instruct us. The greatest of them is Muhammad, God’s final Messenger, Allah bless him and give him peace. I urge you to learn about his qualities, teachings, and his life. Never has there been a more beautiful, caring, loving, generous, forgiving, gentle, beloved, reliable, courageous, and strong human being. You’ll see the truth of this when you look into his life yourself.
Allah sent His final message at the hands of the most extra-ordinary human being. Every who learns about him with a fair mind and open heart, falls in love with him. You can learn more about him here and here.
The Qur’an is Allah’s final message. Read it, reflect on it, and – as with everything else about Islam – ask those qualified to answer if you have any questions at all. The Qur’an is an Arabic book, and some aspects of it need explanation. I recommend taking out course The Qurʾan: What it is, How it was Preserved, and Why it is True.
Religion is supposed to be something which answers all the questions the soul demands answers for. Islam’s worldview provides soul-nourishing answers which satisfy the mind to boot. Issues like the purpose of existence, suffering and the ‘Problem’ of Evil, the reality of the Trinity, and others, which Christians have struggled to answer, have simple and profound answers in Islam. It makes more sense to the mind, and better answers the questions of the soul.
Christianity has many internal contradictions, which Christians themselves are forced to recognize. How can such a religion have divine origins? God doesn’t make mistakes.
Look into the works of Bart Erhman, an ex-Christian scholar of Christianity. They are sufficient to show this if Muslim sources are not enough. Dr Ali Ataie’s free course is also a great place to start.
Accepting Islam is the best possible choice you could make. Many people who embrace Islam after having been Christians actually feel closer to Jesus once they become Muslims. This is the account of one of the greatest scholars of the day.
Ask Allah For Guidance
At this time, one of the best prayers you can make to God is, “O God, let me see the truth as the truth – and give me the ability to wholeheartedly follow it. And show the falsehood as falsehood – and give me the ability to completely shun it.”
If you have any further questions or matters you wish to discuss please don’t hesitate to contact us. We are here for you.
I leave you with the promise of Allah spoken with the Royal “We” to show that just as He is truly majestic, His promise will certainly be fulfilled:
Whoever, male or female, does good deeds and is a believer [in God’s religion] We will make them live a truly amazing, fulfilling, beautiful life, and We will reward them according to the standard of the best they used to do. (Sura al-Naml 16:97)
May Allah grant you the best of both worlds.
Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.