Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I married without my parents’ permission. After finding out, my parents forced me to divorce, this was a month ago. As divorce is final by 3 months, we have 2 months left. Now I want to go back to him. But if I choose my husband then I have to leave my parents.
My husband’s family belongs to lower social status and my husband is less educated than me; that’s the main reason for my parents to deny him. But he loves me a lot and cares about me. Last month there was no contact between us but he told me he will wait for me. Should I leave my husband or leave my family?
Thank you for your question. I am so sorry for the pain and confusion that you have been through, but you must understand that secret marriages lead to pain like this. May Allah make it easy for you to make your choice.
I don’t understand if your father is permitting you to marry him now. Is he? Has he said that you can marry him but must be cut off from the rest of your family in that case? This is a very difficult choice, and you should be firm in your decision so that you don’t break your husband’s heart for no reason. If you have your father’s permission, then going back to him is possible, and you can work on slowly getting back your parent’s involvement in your life.
Please pray istikhara about what to do and wait until you have a clear feeling about it. Trust your istikhara and follow that. You should also consult with others, like a teacher, scholar, or elder that knows you and can advise you. Please look to whether he is good for your religion.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari; Muslim] This applies when selecting a husband or wife.
Please keep in mind that if you do decide to go back to him after the 3 months of waiting period is over, you may still do that. If you go back to him within the waiting period, you simply go back and live with him as though you never left. If you want to go back to him after the waiting period is over, you must have a new nikah with him. Perhaps knowing this, you can take your time to convince your parents. During this time, pray the Prayer of Need, supplicate before dawn, give charity regularly and fear Allah as much as you can regarding your worship.
Please contemplate this hadith. The Prophet (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “When half of the night or two-thirds of it is over, Allah (the Blessed and the Exalted) descends to the lowest heaven and says, ‘Is there any beggar so that he be given? Is there any supplicator so that he be answered? Is there any beggar of forgiveness so that he be forgiven? (And Allah continues saying it) till it is daybreak.’” [Muslim]
Please see these links as well:
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long
10 Powerful Duas That Will Change Your Life
Asking From God – The Art of Supplication: A Comprehensive Reader
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.