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How Do I Save a Friendship When Her Beloved Proposed to Me?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

A very close friend of mine has had a crush for a year on a man. She always talks about him and how her feelings pull her down. She doesn’t feel ready for marriage now, so she isn’t pursuing him.

This man approached me through a teacher, and we are getting to know each other now.

Am I wronging my friend by comforting her? Should I have told her beforehand?

I’m afraid that it won’t work out between us and he might propose to her afterward.

Answer

May Allah reward you for worrying about your friend and for wanting to be a true friend to her.

Reality

The reality is that you have not done anything wrong by getting to know this man and you should not feel guilty about it. Her feelings for him, especially when she decided not to pursue him, should not ruin your prospects. If she is a true friend, she should support your decision and understand that one doesn’t know what is better for one. Allah told us in His book, “It may be that you detest something which is good for you; while perhaps you love something even though it is bad for you. Allah knows while you do not know.” [Quran, 2:216]

Friendship

In order to protect your friendship, and to make it easier for her to digest the truth is that you tell her what is happening, while it is happening, and be honest all the way through. If you don’t think it will work out, encourage your friend by telling her that these things come from Allah, and our only job is to react correctly to them. If he proposes to her afterward, then she should have more reassurance that she may be the right one for him, and she should not feel bad about it. One of our tenets of belief is destiny, and the best way to understand it is that “what hit one was never going to miss, and what misses one, was never going to hit.”

Please see this link as well:

What Are the Qualities of a Friend?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.