How to Direct an Online Relationship towards a Meaningful End of a Marriage?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am 20 years old and from Kashmir, and I love a woman from Indonesia that I met on social media. We don’t chat romantic or dirty talks; we don’t share pictures of each other often and don’t video call each other. I want to know whether it’s still haram or not, as I don’t want to be in a haram relationship. I am also worried because we can’t marry before graduating. I prayed to Allah and got an idea in my heart, but I want your opinion. I will tell her that we will stop chatting until I marry her or whenever my parents approve of keeping each other pure in sha Allah. Or we could talk less often, only at the time of need to remain pure.

Answer

Your question touched me because you have such pure and innocent young love for this girl. May Allah always keep you that way.

To answer your first question, it is still not permissible to chat with this girl even though you have not engaged in romantic interaction. You are still falling in love with her and getting close to her. Islam prohibits this unless one is already speaking to a girl with the parent’s approval and is in the open process of getting to know him for marriage. Chatting with her online privately without the parent’s knowledge and consent is still not ok. This is one of the greatest tribulations of this generation with the internet.

Also, I caution you to promise yourself to someone that you have not met in person. Marriage is the joining of two families and not just two people. It takes much more than love to make a marriage work. I also fear that the biggest obstacle here might be your parents. Kashmiris are potent people with vast connections, and I am not sure you will be able to pull this off with their approval.

You should go ahead with your idea of not chatting with her but pray istikhara also.

You must ask for Allah’s guidance when making such a big decision, and you want to do this out of logic, not just love. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Your love for a thing causes blindness and deafness. “[Abu Dawud] Please accept whatever Allah points you toward. Don’t let this relationship affect your studies and fulfill your obligations to Allah so you can have barakah in your life. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.