Should I Disclose My Past Mistakes to My Future Spouse?

Answered by Shaykh Anas al-Musa

Question 

Should I inform the person I intend to marry about my past mistakes?

Answer

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

All praise is due to Allah, Lord of all worlds. Peace and blessings be upon the Messenger sent as a mercy to the worlds, our Master and Prophet, Muhammad, and his Family and Companions.

Concealing Past Mistakes and Sins

To begin, if you have committed a sin, then repent to Allah, seek His forgiveness, and resolve not to return to that sin. From your question, it seems you have repented, as you describe your past as “wrong,” which indicates a sense of remorse.

Regarding your question, you are not required to disclose your past mistakes to the person you intend to marry, nor is it permissible to reveal any sins you have committed to anyone else, whether before or after marriage.

A Muslim should conceal their sins and not speak of them, for as long as Allah has concealed your sins, you should not uncover them. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:

“All of my Umma will be forgiven except those who commit sins openly. An example of this is a man who sins at night, and then in the morning, after Allah has concealed his sin, he says, ‘O so-and-so, I did such-and-such last night,’ while Allah had concealed his sin. He spent the night concealed by his Lord, and then in the morning, he uncovers Allah’s concealment from himself.” [Bukhari]

The Importance of Maintaining Concealment

Imam Malik narrated that during the time of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), a man confessed to committing adultery. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) ordered that he be punished, but afterward, the Prophet said:

“O people, it is time for you to stop transgressing the limits of Allah. Whoever among you has committed one of these shameful acts should conceal it under the veil of Allah, for whoever exposes their sin to us, we are obligated to carry out the prescribed punishment.” [Malik, Muwatta]

It is also reported that Bilal Ibn Sa‘d said: “When a sin is concealed, it harms only the one who commits it. But if it is publicized, it harms both the individual and the community.” [Khara’iti, Masawi’ al-Akhlaq]

‘Aisha (Allah be pleased with her) once advised a woman who confessed a mistake: “If one of you commits a sin, let her not disclose it to others. Instead, let her ask for Allah’s forgiveness and repent, for people may condemn her, but they cannot change her, whereas Allah forgives and does not shame.” [Ibid.]

Avoiding Disclosure in Marriage

It is crucial for both men and women who intend to marry to avoid revealing their past sins or searching for their partner’s past mistakes. As long as Allah has blessed you with a match based on religion and good character, do not dig into each other’s pasts or ask about past sins. Each person should conceal their own mistakes, for we are all prone to errors.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:

“The one who repents from sin is like one who has no sin.” [Tabarani, al-Mu‘jam al-Kabir]

Allah (Most High) also says:

“O believers! Do not ask about any matter which, if made clear to you, may disturb you.” [Quran, 5:101]

May Allah grant you success, and may He bless the Prophet Muhammad and give him peace and his Family and Companions.

And Allah knows best.
[Shaykh] Anas al-Musa