Should I Leave My Husband or Continue to Support Him and His Issues?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Should I consider divorce so my husband can focus on his struggles, including fragility, depression, and past addiction issues, without further impacting me, or is it better to continue supporting him while he works on improving?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration and I urge you to speak to family, friends, a local imam and a counsellor to help you make your decision, after you pray istikhara.
Marriage
Allah refers to marriage as a solemn covenant in His book. This means a formal agreement, pledge, or commitment made between you and him, according to the mandates of Allah and His Messenger. This commitment of marriage should not be taken lightly.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) has told us how our Creator feels about divorce: “The most hated of permissible things to Allah is divorce.“ [Ibn Maja] However, divorce is permissible and its rulings have been given in the Quran. Divorce, as well, cannot be taken lightly.
Staying Married
Being married to someone with issues of depression, past addiction, and fragility is very difficult, and if you stay, you would be committing to a life of foregoing many of your rights, raising your children mostly alone, and supporting him until he gets better, even if that is in his old age. Look at all the factors, such as children, financial stability, toxicity, mental peace, religion, and upholding Islam in your home. May Allah guide you well in what to do.
Self-Care
I encourage you to gain closeness to Allah (Most High) through patience, prayer, and supplication and continuously engage in improving yourself through your work, study, volunteering, charity, spending time with friends, and serving the umma in the best way you can. You will need a support system to help you through the marriage if you stay and I don’t want you to stop your personal growth.
Dua
Please recite these duas from the Quran daily and be certain that Allah (Most High) will answer:
فَقَالَ رَبِّ إِنِّى لِمَآ أَنزَلْتَ إِلَىَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍۢ فَقِيرٌۭ
“My Lord, I am in dire need of whatever good thing You may send me,” [Quran, 28:24]
رَبَّنَآ ءَاتِنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ رَحْمَةًۭ وَهَيِّئْ لَنَا مِنْ أَمْرِنَا رَشَدًۭا
Our Lord! Grant us mercy from Yourself and guide us rightly through our ordeal.” [Quran, 18:10]
Please see these links as well:
- Should I Divorce My Husband If All We Do Is Argue?
- Should I Divorce When I Have Lost Respect for My Husband After All These Years?
- How Do I Manage a Husband Who Is Lacking in Everything?
- Dealing with Depression: Elucidation
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.