How Do I Deal With My Father’s Secret Infidelity?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
How does one balance between saying the truth and being upright to one’s parents? If the father is not loyal to the mother but continuously denies it despite the evidence, what should the children do? The child is asked to hide certain information from the mother which doesn’t harm the mother but could be evidence against the father. I am really at crossroads here and being emotionally pulled from both directions. Your guidance would be much appreciated. I am an adult female.
Answer
Thank you for your question. You are in a very difficult situation and I pray that you find some peace with this and that you continue to be the upright child that I can see you are. May Allah reward you for that.
Divulging
It is not obligatory for you to divulge this secret, but I really cannot tell you what the right thing is to do. The best first step is for you to read this link about enjoining the good and forbidding the wrong:
The Criteria of Enjoining Good and Forbidding Evil
Be Direct
Speak to your father directly about his infidelity, and ask him to stop what he is doing. The direct way is best. Don’t be shy or embarrassed and know that you are speaking up for the sake of Allah. Don’t ever lie for him. Tell him that what he is doing will land him in the Hellfire, and ask him how he would feel if you were to end up with a man who cheats on you.
Turn to Allah
Pray to Allah to guide you on this issue. Pray the Prayer of Need, seek patience with him, and make sure he knows that you know he is doing wrong and that you want him to change. Pray for him, as well, and your mother and encourage them to bond. Perhaps some closeness between them will help things improve.
Please see this excellent advice:
How Do I Deal With Having an Unfaithful Father?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
