How Should One Deal with Overprotective Parents Who Make Simple Things Difficult?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

How should one deal with overprotective parents? Simple things like going out become a major problem. It’s frustrating at times for all of us.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration with your parents’ behavior, and I pray you can find some autonomy and compromise, in sha Allah.

Father

A father’s rank is great in Islam; as the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us, “Do not turn away from your fathers, for he who turns away from his father will be guilty of committing an act of disbelief.” [Bukhari & Muslim] The default behavior with one’s parents is respect, polite treatment, and silence in the face of confrontation. However, disagreements are natural and will arise in any normal family. Communication is important, and if you are wise and patient, you can probably get what you want.

Disagreement

Despite the respect and honor that is due to parents, it is not sinful if they are disobeyed at times. Please have a respectful discussion with your parents about going out and request that they allow you some freedom and decision-making. Perhaps all of you should sit together and tell them how you feel. Hear what they have to say and find a compromise. Perhaps the problem will be solved if you call regularly while you are out, or even let them put an AirTag in your pocket, so they can stop worrying.

Turn to Allah

With any difficulty in life, and even when not in difficulty, you should be building your relationship with Allah most High. Focus on performing your prayers well, gaining Islamic knowledge, and reading the Quran daily. Seek to purify your soul, increase your worship, spend time with pious friends, and pick up a beneficial hobby. Your most powerful tool is du`a. There is a lot to do in the world, and I don’t want you to drop your hopes and dreams because your parents micromanage you.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Take advantage of five before five: your youth before your old age, your health before your illness, your riches before your poverty, your free time before your work, and your life before your death.” [Hakim & Bayhaqi; sound]

Please see these links for details:

• When May Parents Be Disobeyed, and How?
• What Constitutes Disobeying One’s Parents (’Uquq al-Walidayn)?
• What Can I Do About My Parents’ Controlling Behaviour?

Ask your parents to read this article:

• An Open Letter to Parents: Micromanaging Impairs Your Child’s Executive Function Development

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.