Is It Backbiting to Mention a Suitor’s Defects?

Shafi'i Fiqh

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I recently received a marriage proposal. When I saw the picture of the person, I realized that he was my previous boss where I used to work. I remembered that my colleagues once told me that they knew for sure that he drinks alcohol. I didn’t delve into it further. So I told my mother what I heard from my colleagues. Was I right in telling my mother, or have I backbitten?

Answer

Sister, It is allowed to tell your mother about his alcohol problem. She must know so that she understands what kind of suitor they are considering or rejecting. A marriage is a union between two families, not just two individuals, and your parents cannot protect you if you don’t tell them the whole story. In the future, your parents might be able to protect another family from him as well.

Please see the link detailing this subject:
Is Backbiting Permissible for Marriage Prospects?

May Allah unite you with the best man who becomes a garment for you and you a garment for him.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.