What Should I Do Now That I Sinned with a Man and My Mother Knows?
Shafi'i Fiqh
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I committed sinful acts with someone I intended to marry. We repented, but my mother found out and now refuses the marriage, threatening to disown me and force another marriage. What should I do?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain and frustration and I am proud of you for repenting from what you did.
Options
You don’t have many options in front of you. I commend you for wanting to make it halal, as that is the only way forward with this man. If your mother does not agree to it, the best you can do now is communicate with honesty. Tell her that you repented and you understand, and regret your mistake. Tell them that you believe he is still a suitable suitor and pray istikhara to confirm it.
Be sure that he is the right one because you should not marry him just to mend your past. Your spouse must be chosen for religion. Remember that being in love doesn’t make him right for you. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty, or her piety. Select the pious; may you be blessed!“ [Bukhari; Muslim] This applies to both genders.
Forced Marriage
In terms of the conditions of a valid marriage, you need your father’s consent, not your mother’s consent. Try to obtain it from your father, and still pray to get your mother’s blessing. Also, she cannot force you to marry someone else. Simply say no. Pray the Prayer of Need for guidance and mercy in this matter.
Dua
Please say this prophetic duaa regularly:
اللّهُـمَّ إِنِّـي أَعـوذُ بِكَ أَنْ أَضِـلَّ أَوْ أُضَـل ،أَوْ أَزِلَّ أَوْ أُزَل ،أَوْ أَظْلِـم أَوْ أَُظْلَـم ،أَوْ أَجْهَلَ أَوْ يُـجْهَلَ عَلَـيّ
“O Allah, I seek refuge in You lest I misguide others, or I am misguided by others, lest I cause others to err or I am caused to err, lest I abuse others or be abused, and lest I behave foolishly (ignorantly) or meet with the foolishness (ignorance) of others.” [Abu Dawud; Ibn Maja; Nasa’i; Tirmidhi]
Please see more details here:
- How Do I Deal with Being Forced to Marry Someone I Don’t Love?
- Can My Mother Force Me to Marry Someone?
- How Can I Make My Parents Stop Forcing Me to Get Married?
- Is It Haram for Me to Reject My Parents’ Decision to Force Me to Marry Someone?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
