How Do I Resolve My Serious Marital Conflicts with My Husband?

Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel

Question

My husband and I have serious conflicts. He hasn’t contacted me in six months. We live apart, and I care for three children. In May 2025, he asked us to move in with him with only a week’s notice. I declined due to unresolved issues, stress, and health concerns he didn’t know about. He says my refusal means I want a divorce, but I didn’t ask for one.

Given my reasons, am I considered disobedient (nashiz) for not going? Now that he seeks a divorce, what are my Islamic rights and responsibilities as a wife and mother to handle this fairly and according to God’s guidance?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

I pray you are in good faith and health. Thank you for your question and for seeking guidance. I am sad to hear about this situation.

It is hard to understand your situation as a case of misconduct or non-fulfillment of rights (nushuz), as there was less notice. You have unresolved issues, some of which he knows about, and others you need to share. However, as a husband, he has a right to know if you have concerns that he is unaware of and that you are refusing to share.

If your husband asks you to move in with him, it may be a sign that he wants to remain married to you or vice versa; he may want a reaction.

Your situation has arisen from many reasons. These issues can occur because your husband works away from home, and each of your personal challenges has caused misunderstandings, like ill health, stress, and so on, all leading to frustration and deeper misunderstandings.

The Nature of Marital Disputes

Disagreements are a natural part of human relationships. A married couple may experience harmony or conflict, depending on their personalities, circumstances, and external influences, such as health issues, psychological factors, gossip, or interference from others.

Regardless of the cause, reconciliation and healing rifts are the best solutions for marital tensions.

Quranic Guidance on Marital Conflicts

The Quran provides clear instructions for handling marital disputes, particularly in cases of ill conduct (nushuz).

Misconduct by Husband

If a husband is neglectful or distant, Allah Most High says:

“If a woman fears indifference or neglect from her husband, there is no blame on either of them if they seek (fair) settlement, which is best.” [Quran, 4:128]

Misconduct by Wife

If a wife behaves arrogantly toward her husband, Allah Most High says:

“And if you sense ill-conduct from your women, advise them (first), (if they persist,) do not share their beds, (but if they still persist,) then discipline them (gently). But if they change their ways, do not be unjust to them. Surely Allah is Most High, All-Great.” [Quran, 4:34]

Marital Conflict Resolution

When conflicts escalate, Allah provides a clear solution:

“If you anticipate a split between them, appoint a mediator from his family and another from hers. If they desire reconciliation, Allah will restore harmony between them.” [Quran, 4:35]

The Role of Family in Conflict Resolution

• Family members must intervene wisely to help reconcile disputes and mend relationships.
• They should not remain passive spectators until divorce becomes inevitable.
• As long as reconciliation is possible, intervention is necessary, and every effective means must be used to restore peace.

Following the Example of the Prophet

The life of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) is the best model for handling marital disputes.

Studying his biography and learning from his wisdom and patience in marriage can help resolve many issues.

May Allah bring harmony, unite your hearts, mend differences, and guide you toward good character and a harmonious relationship, especially since you have children.

Verse of Hope

Allah Most High says in the Quran, “…Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows, and you do not know.” [Quran, 2:216]

Due to the sensitivity of this situation, I would advise you to consult local scholars—people who are reliable, pious, and wise, and understand family and community dynamics. Most importantly, you and your husband should sit together with any of the above and try to resolve the conflict through this type of mediation.

I would like you to go through the valuable answers and links below. In sha Allah, you will receive guidance and direction.

Related

• Defining Ill-Conduct (Nushuz) in Marriage
• Conflict Resolution in Marriage – Sh.Faraz Rabbani
• marriage and divorce Archives – SeekersGuidance
• Love, Marriage, and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
• Prayer of Need (Salat al-Haja)

Why not begin your search for knowledge by signing up for a course on SeekersAcademy (seekersguidance.org)?

I pray this helps with your question.

Wassalam,
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Mawlana Ilyas Patel has received a traditional education in various countries. He started his schooling in the UK and completed his hifz of the Quran in India. After that, he joined an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied secular and Aalimiyya sciences. Later, he traveled to Karachi, Pakistan, and other Middle Eastern countries to further his education. Mawlana has served as an Imam in the Republic of Ireland for several years and taught the Quran and other Islamic sciences to both children and adults. He also worked as a teacher and librarian at a local Islamic seminary in the UK for 12 years. Presently, he lives in the UK with his wife and is interested in books and gardening.