How Should a Wife Respond if Her Husband Looks at Other Women Online?
Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat
Question
How should a wife respond if her husband looks at other women online?
Answer
I pray you are well.
The first step, in any major or even minor matter, is to turn to Allah. Ask Allah Most High to facilitate the situation and bring about what is best. This should always come first.
Speak to Him Wisely
After that, speak to your husband. However, if you approach him aggressively, you are unlikely to receive a good response.
If he is deliberately looking at other women online to derive pleasure, then he is doing something wrong. Allah has given him a lawful avenue to fulfill his needs through his wife. Looking at other women in this way is inappropriate and harmful. It poisons the relationship and causes deep pain and hurt.
Generally, a husband would feel upset if he saw his wife looking at other men for pleasure. This is simply human nature. There is a difference between unintentionally seeing someone in an advert or interview and intentionally looking to derive pleasure.
When you speak to him, approach the matter from the angle of how it makes you feel. Say to him, “I am a human being too. What you are doing is causing me pain. It is causing me distress and difficulty.” Spell it out clearly.
Sometimes people compartmentalize their actions to avoid guilt. They may assume the other person knows how they feel. While they should know, hearing it directly can have a stronger impact. Make him aware of the emotional harm it is causing.
Strengthening the Relationship
If there are permissible ways to enhance the relationship, then take an active role in doing so.
Sometimes, after years of marriage, spouses stop making an effort. Sayyiduna ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Abbas would dress well for his wife, and he mentioned that he liked it when she did the same for him. Making an effort for one another is important.
This applies to both spouses. Despite the challenges of daily life, work, or children, making an effort for one another strengthens the bond. People appreciate when their spouse makes an effort for them.
If the Problem Persists
If speaking to him does not work, then involve someone discreetly. This is not about publicly exposing sins. Rather, seek out someone he respects, someone whose opinion carries weight with him. A trusted individual may be able to advise him in a way that he will accept.
If the issue is left unresolved, it can lead to resentment or emotional withdrawal. This leads to further harm in the marriage.
Our religion encourages promoting a healthy marriage. If necessary, speak to him more than once. If nothing changes, inform him that you will seek outside help. You are not expected to live in a situation that is demeaning and emotionally harmful.
May Allah facilitate what is best for you all. Ameen.
[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began studying Arabic Grammar and Morphology whilst studying for a degree in English and History. After graduating, He traveled to Damascus and studied Arabic, Hanafi Fiqh, Usul al-Fiqh, Theology, and Logic with Shaykh Adnan Darwish, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahman Arjan al-Binsawi, Shaykh Husayn Darwish, Shaykh Muhammad Darwish, the late Shaykh Rashad Shams, and others. He then moved to Amman to continue his studies in those fields, as well as in Tafsir, Quranic Sciences, Hadith Methodology and Commentary, Prophetic Biography, Prophetic Perfections and Traits, Rhetoric, Arabic Literature, and Tajwid. His teachers include Shaykh Ali Hani, Dr. Hamza al-Bakri, Dr. Salah Abu al-Hajj, Dr. Mansur Abu Zina, Shaykh Ahmad Hasanat, Shaykh Ahmad Jammal, and others.
