How Can I Overcome Resentment Toward Family Members?
Answered by Shaykh Anas al-Musa
Question
Due to family issues with some of my siblings, I feel resentment toward them and lack warmth. How can I overcome this feeling?
Answer
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
All praise is due to Allah, Lord of all worlds. Peace and blessings be upon the Messenger sent as a mercy to the worlds, our Master and Prophet, Muhammad, and his Family and Companions.
It is natural for people to feel anger or resentment due to family disputes, but a Muslim should strive to overcome these emotions to maintain harmony in family relationships. Here are some practical steps that may help:
Strive for a Pure Heart
Remember the hadith of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), who, when asked about the best people, replied,
“Everyone who is ‘makhmum al-qalb’ and truthful in speech.” When asked what ‘makhmum al-qalb’ means, he said, “The person who is pious and pure, free of sin, injustice, malice, and envy.” [Ibn Maja]
Striving for a heart free from malice is a virtue in Islam.
Forgive and Seek the Reward of Janna
Reflect on the story where the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“A man from the people of Paradise will appear before you,” and a man from the Ansar appeared. ‘Abdullah Ibn ‘Amr investigated and learned that this man did not hold any grudges or envy towards anyone. [Ahmad]
Pardon your family members with the hope of being among the people of Paradise.
Let Go of Past Grievances
Avoid holding onto past grievances and mistakes. Allah (Most High) praises those who restrain their anger and forgive others, as He says,
“…control their anger, and pardon others. And Allah loves the good-doers.” [Quran, 3:134]
Fast Three Days Each Month
Fasting regularly can help calm your heart and ease any lingering negativity. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“Fasting the month of patience and three days of each month removes the bitterness from the heart.” [Ahmad]
Spread Peace within the Family
Increase love among family members by spreading peace, as the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) advised:
“You will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I tell you something that, if you do it, you will love one another? Spread peace between you.” [Muslim]
Give Charity to Relatives, Especially Those with Whom You Have Conflict
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) emphasized the virtue of giving charity to family members, especially if there is tension. Hakim ibn Hizam reported that a man asked the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) which charity is best, and he replied,
“To give to a relative who harbors enmity towards you.” [Ahmad]
Repel Evil with Good
Allah (Most High) encourages us to replace hostility with kindness, which has the power to transform relationships. He says,
“Good and evil cannot be equal. Respond (to evil) with what is best, then the one you are in a feud with will be like a close friend.” [Quran, 41:34]
I advise you to adopt these practices and seek Allah’s assistance in purifying your heart and fostering love and unity within your family. May Allah grant you ease and strengthen your resolve.
May Allah bless the Prophet Muhammad and give him peace, and his Family and Companions.
[Shaykh] Anas al-Musa
Shaykh Anas al-Musa, born in Hama, Syria, in 1974, is an erudite scholar of notable repute. He graduated from the Engineering Institute in Damascus, where he specialized in General Construction, and Al-Azhar University, Faculty of Usul al-Din, where he specialized in Hadith.
He studied under prominent scholars in Damascus, including Shaykh Abdul Rahman al-Shaghouri and Shaykh Adib al-Kallas, among others. Shaykh Anas has memorized the Quran and is proficient in the ten Mutawatir recitations, having studied under Shaykh Bakri al-Tarabishi and Shaykh Mowfaq ‘Ayun. He also graduated from the Iraqi Hadith School.
He has taught numerous Islamic subjects at Shari‘a institutes in Syria and Turkey. Shaykh Anas has served as an Imam and preacher for over 15 years and is a teacher of the Quran in its various readings and narrations.
Currently, he works as a teacher at SeekersGuidance and is responsible for academic guidance there. He has completed his Master’s degree in Hadith and is now pursuing his Ph.D. in the same field. Shaykh Anas al-Musa is married and resides in Istanbul.
