How Do I Obey My Parents Who Make Me Join a Haram School Event?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
How do I balance obedience to my parents while avoiding participation in a school event with prohibited activities?
Answer
Thank you for your question. Goodness to parents without contravening Islamic law is tricky but doable if you maintain adab and respect and ask Allah to guide you through it.
Parents
Allah (Most High) has told us in the Quran,
“For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honour your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them ˹even˺ ‘ugh,’ nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully.” [Quran 17:23]
Obedience
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
“There is no obedience in matters of sin; obedience is only in what is right.” [Bukhari; Muslim]
He also (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
“There is no obedience to any created being in disobedience to Allah.” [Ahmad]
And Allah (Most High) has told us in the Quran,
“And cooperate in righteousness and piety, but do not cooperate in sin and aggression.” [Quran 5:2]
As you can see from the above, the rank of parents is great, but obedience to them is not absolute.
Communicate
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“Allah is Gentle and loves gentleness, and He grants reward for it that He does not grant for harshness.” [Ibn Maja]
Since you want to avoid the school event out of piety and obedience to your Lord, I am certain that Allah Most High will facilitate it for you if you communicate with your parents with gentleness and respect. Gently explain to your parents why you are uncomfortable participating in the event because you want to please Allah and avoid actions that may displease Him.
Tips
- Propose another way to fulfill their expectations without compromising your faith.
- Attend the event but avoid participating in the haram activities (e.g., sit separately, arrive early and leave early, hang out with the teachers).
- Participate in other school activities that don’t contravene shari‘a.
- Offer to help with something else at home or school to compensate.
- Emphasize that your intention is not to disobey them but to maintain your Deen while still being a good child.
- Involve a trusted family member, friend, or imam to help talk to your parents.
- Be patient because they will eventually come to understand, even if not today.
Dua
Always turn to Allah for help. Keep up your end of the faith by praying on time, making abundant dua, and reading and reflecting on the Quran. By His grace, your parent’s hearts will soften. Say these duas regularly:
رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيراً
“My Lord! Be merciful to them both as they raised me when I was young.” [Quran, 17:24]
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَاماً
“Our Lord! Bless us with (pious) spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous.” [Quran, 25:74]
Please see more details here:
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
