Question: I got married 2 years ago. He had confessed before marriage that he used to smoke and gave up and now occasionally smokes weed. I told him that for me smoking was a deal-breaker. I decided to marry him because he seemed like an overall wonderful person. The first few months were fine, but then I began to smell it. As the months went by, he now does it multiple times a day and I realized that he is addicted. I asked him to quit, and he responded saying that he would try to smoke less. I cannot ignore this addiction like how his parents have been for years. Last night I stumbled across his stash and I learned that he has been lying to me for months. I am heartbroken that he has lied so often and this is the only thing we fight about. I don’t want the father of my children to do this. I’m considering divorce. In-laws are of no help. I don’t want to worry my mother after I already told her he stopped. Sex is already a problem. We have tried it but we couldn’t. I blame this on his smoking, but he dismisses it.
Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are going through so much pain and suffering from your husband’s addiction. It is not fair that he lied to you and what he is doing is unlawful. I am also very concerned that you have not accomplished intercourse yet.
You are correct that this addiction cannot be ignored and that the father of your children shouldn’t be doing this. No intelligent woman would accept this. Please see this excellent advice for a woman who has caught her husband smoking weed and please recite the du`as in it daily:
Here is the ruling on smoking weed:
This brings us to the next problem. Smoking marijuana has a common side effect of ED (Erectile Dysfunction), but it may be reversed if the person stops smoking. I believe this is a result of smoking for years, but you should confirm with a doctor.
Not having accomplished intercourse for the past two years is a major marital calamity and contrary to the Sunnah of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. You should seek treatment for this, or talk to your doctor or his doctor together or alone, and try to rectify this. This is clearly adding to your frustration and your unhappiness and you deserve to be satisfied. This is not asking for too much.
With the two factors in front of you, namely: Marijuana addiction and lack of intercourse, these would be valid grounds for divorce. You have two options. You can commit to helping him recover, heal, get therapy, medical help, and draw on a depth of patience and fortitude until he changes. The other option is that you leave him, especially because there are no children yet, so the adjustment would be a little easier.
Please pray istikhara for 21 days and tell him that you are considering it. You must tell your in-laws and parents the whole story and get their advice as well. They may all try to help you through this and be your support to help him change, or perhaps they will guide you to something else. Substance abuse is not a small thing so please don’t go any further wasting your time without a firm plan in place.
May Allah reward you for your patience and give you the very best in this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.