Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Alhamdulillah My Lord has guided me and I am practicing. I have been engaged to my cousin since we were young. After noticing that he misses some prayers, I decided to tell my mom to tell them I don’t want to get married to him. She refused, saying this will cut ties between her and her sister and it’s haram and that I should talk to him.
When I talked to him he affirmed that he misses ‘Asr and Maghrib, listens to music, etc. When I explained to him that my goal in life is to please Allah and earn Jannatul Firdaus he said all that is right and is willing to change. Should I accept and go ahead and marry him with the hope that he will change? I have always wanted to get married to a Da’iy (Caller to Islam) to spread the deen.
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for devotion and dedication to His religion and grant you a spouse that feels the same way you do.
Marrying a man who misses prayers on purpose is not the kind of man you want to marry. I’m not saying that he is a bad person, or that he can’t change, but we are talking about marriage here. Never, ever marry someone on their potential and never, ever compromise on him praying five times a day. You have no idea what he will eventually be like, and you have no idea if he will actually change. You must find someone who is the way you want him to be now, instead of hoping that he will change.
It is not haram to break this engagement, and don’t be forced by your family. Ties of kinship between your mother and her sister don’t have to be severed, and the future of your should be determined by you and your istikhara, and no one else.
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.