How Can I Balance Family, Work, and Caregiving Without Sacrificing My Well-Being?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am overwhelmed with the responsibilities of supporting my elderly, financially unstable parents, managing my job, and caring for my children and home. My husband cannot assist financially or with childcare, and I am struggling with stress and health issues. How can I balance these obligations while preserving my well-being?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize deeply with your situation and I urge you to remember that Allah Most High sees every atom’s weight of good that you do and will reward you for it by his grace.

Biting Off More than You Can Chew

I can see from your question that you are doing more than what is obligatory, especially regarding the finances. Your husband is the breadwinner and I urge you to have him reclaim his role as such, even if it means reducing your lifestyle. He is financially responsible for you and the children, not you.

‘Abdullah Ibn ‘Umar said that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:

“Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler in charge of the people is a shepherd, and he is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock. A servant is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for his flock. Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.” [Bukhari; Muslim]

Stress Management

• Please prioritize your relationship with God by reading the Quran daily and praying on time. Dhikr and reading or listening to the life of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) are essential to inner peace and remembering why you do it all.
• Seek medical attention to deal with your health issues, don’t put them on the back burner.
• Seek help from extended family and community for babysitting or in other capacities.
• Seek help from siblings, financially or otherwise, to care for your parents or employ other resources to help you.
• Have a structured schedule and multi-task, for example, meal planning can save a lot of time. Check out block scheduling.
• Develop a budget and stick to it to save tons of money. Listen to Dave Ramsey on how to do a money makeover. Don’t forget the blessings that follow when you give timely zakat and sadaqa. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Charity does not decrease wealth, no one forgives another except that Allah increases his honor, and no one humbles himself for the sake of Allah except that Allah raises his status.” [Muslim]
• Communicate with your husband about your challenges and explore ways he might support you, even in non-financial ways, like household chores or emotional support.

Dua

Supplicate heartily and intensely; your Lord will lead you out of stressful times to light and clarity by His grace. Please recite these duas daily.

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ الْهَمِّ وَالْحُزْنِ وَالْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ وَالْبُخْلِ وَالْجُبْنِ وَضَلَعِ الدَّيْنِ وَغَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ 

“O Allah, I take refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being overpowered by men.” [Bukhari]

اللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجُو فَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ وَأَصْلِحْ لِي شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَا أَنْتَ 

“O Allah, I hope for Your mercy. Do not leave me to myself even for a blink of an eye. Correct all of my affairs for me. There is none worthy of worship except You.” [Abu Dawud]

Please see more details here:

• Amazing Supplications When Faced With Stress and Anxiety – Habib Kadhim
• 6 Key Things to Help Ease Stress- Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
• How Do I Deal With the Overwhelming Responsibilities and Lack of Achievements in My Life?
• How Can I Find Time to Worship with My Many Worldly Responsibilities?
• Married Daughters Supporting Elderly Parents
• Care of Elderly Parents is a Blessing & Opportunity to Earn Paradise

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.