Is It Permissible to Cut Off My Father After His Abuse of My Sister?

Answered by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Question

What should I do after discovering that my father has sexually harassed my younger sister? I feel intense anger and want to cut him off completely. Is it permissible to leave him without support in his old age?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the All-Merciful, the Especially Merciful.

May Allah protect you and your sister, grant justice and healing, and reward your care and concern in this difficult matter. Amin.

Assuming you have determined, with evidence, that sexual abuse occurred, especially from a parent, this is among the most reprehensible crimes in Islam. It is a major sin (kabira) and a betrayal of the trust that family members are meant to uphold. In such cases, preserving safety, dignity, and emotional well-being is not only permitted but also required.

Allah (Most High) says:

“And do not cooperate in sin and transgression. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is severe in penalty.”  [Quran, 5:2]

Distancing from a Harmful Parent

You are not sinful for distancing yourself from a parent who has committed such a violation. In cases of abuse, it is permissible to limit or sever contact if maintaining that relationship causes harm or emotional distress. Islam does not command obedience or support when it enables oppression.

Support in Old Age: Conditional, Not Absolute

Caring for one’s parents is usually an obligation. But that obligation is not unconditional. In situations of continued harm, betrayal, or lack of repentance, a child is not obligated to maintain regular support duties, especially when that support endangers one’s emotional or spiritual well-being.

Suppose the father sincerely repents, and help can be provided without enabling further harm. In that case, some scholars suggest limited assistance (such as through third parties) may be considered, but this is not obligatory when the trust has been violated in such a severe way.

Practical Guidance

• Ensure your sister’s safety: emotional, spiritual, and physical. Help her access counseling or support.
• You are not required to support or maintain ties with your father while the abuse remains unacknowledged or unrepentant.
• Seek professional legal and spiritual counsel. Do not carry this burden alone. If needed, consult a qualified mufti or local imam in private.
• Preserve your own mental health, even if that means severing all contact.

Conclusion

This is a harrowing and serious matter. You are not blameworthy for cutting ties in such a case, and you are not obliged to support your father in his old age if doing so would compromise safety or dignity. Protecting the oppressed and upholding justice come first. Still, this is a serious claim, and acting on it should be done cautiously, and not lightly. Make sure of the facts as best you can, and then proceed with caution.

“No bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another.”  [Quran, 6:164]

Given the considerations in such cases, we urge you to please consult reliable counselors about the specifics of the situation.

May Allah heal your family, grant you peace, and deal with all oppressors with His perfect justice.

And Allah knows best.
[Shaykh] Irshaad Sedick
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Irshaad Sedick was raised in South Africa in a traditional Muslim family. He graduated from Dar al-Ulum al-Arabiyyah al-Islamiyyah in Strand, Western Cape, under the guidance of the late world-renowned scholar Shaykh Taha Karaan (Allah have mercy on him), where he taught.

Shaykh Irshaad received Ijaza from many luminaries of the Islamic world, including Shaykh Taha Karaan, Shaykh Muhammad Awama, Shaykh Muhammad Hasan Hitu, and Mawlana Abdul Hafeez Makki, among others.

He is the author of the text “The Musnad of Ahmad ibn Hanbal: A Hujjah or not?” He has been the Director of the Discover Islam Centre, and for six years, he has been the Khatib of Masjid Ar-Rashideen, Mowbray, Cape Town.

Shaykh Irshaad has fifteen years of teaching experience at some of the leading Islamic institutes in Cape Town. He is currently building an Islamic podcast, education, and media platform called ‘Isnad Academy’ and has completed his Master’s degree in the study of Islam at the University of Johannesburg. He has a keen interest in healthy Prophetic living and fitness.