Can an Angry Father’s Harmful Words Cause Family Hardship, and How Should They Respond?
Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Question
How should we treat our father, who often becomes angry, says distressing things, and sometimes calls harm upon himself? He does not listen when upset. Could his words be the reason for the difficulties and illness our family faces?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful and Compassionate.
I pray this finds you in the best of health and faith.
Strive to treat your father with the kindness and respect that Allah Most High has commanded towards parents. At the same time, protect yourselves from ongoing harm.
His angry statements do not cause your hardships or your illness. Allah Most High alone is the Author of every event.
However, his words against himself are spiritually harmful to him. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) clearly warned us against such speech.
The Obligation of Kindness to Parents (Birr al-Walidayn)
The Sacred Law’s command toward parents is firm. Allah Most High says, “Lower to them the wing of humility, out of mercy.” [Quran 17:24]
This kindness (birr) remains an obligation, even if a parent falls short. Yet, it does not mean you must accept verbal abuse or endure harm without limit.
The Hanafi tradition teaches three important points: You have the right to withdraw from harmful situations quietly. The father is responsible before Allah for his words and actions. And no Muslim is required to accept harm as if it were their due.
For the broader Hanafi framing of difficult parents, see SeekersGuidance: How Do I Deal with an Abusive Father and His Constant Shouting and Cursing? and How Can I Deal With My Father Who Is Angry and Unforgiving With Us?
Allah Is the Cause; Angry Words Do Not Move the Hand of Decree
His words are not the cause of your family’s difficulties or illness. Only Allah Most High decrees what reaches us, out of His wisdom and mercy, even when it comes as a test.
Allah Most High says, “Whatever misfortune befalls you is because of what your own hands have wrought, and He pardons much” [Quran 42:30]. The verse points to one’s own actions and Allah’s decree. Do not let the mistaken thought settle in your heart that your father’s outbursts are the cause of what Allah has decreed for you. They are not the source of what Allah has written. They are not.
His Self-Curses Are a Real Spiritual Danger to Him
The harm of such words returns to the one who utters them, not to you.
Jabir ibn Abdullah (Allah be pleased with him) reports a clear warning. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Do not invoke against yourselves, your children, your servants, or your wealth; you may chance upon a moment when Allah grants what is asked.” [Muslim]
His self-cursing is a serious spiritual matter. Pray for him sincerely. Ask Allah to soften his heart, calm his anger, and protect him from the harm of his own words. Never join him in such prayers against himself.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) also said, “The strong one is not the one who overcomes others, but the one who controls himself when angry.” This is the guidance your father needs. Share it with him gently, at a time when he is receptive.
Practical Steps: Dua, Sabr, Gentle Distance, Right Counsel
Pray for him. Daily, by name, with full neediness. Ask Allah for his shifa, his calm, his rBear with patience. When his anger becomes harsh, withdraw quietly. The Sacred Law gives you space; you are not required to remain present for hurtful words. For further guidance and solace in such situations, see SeekersGuidance: How to Find Solace and Peace with Unjust Parents? with Unjust Parents?
Seek trusted help where possible. If he is open, encourage him to speak with a qualified scholar or counselor. Sometimes, advice is best received from outside the family. Offer this gently, without pressure.
Protect the children in the home. If his words become harmful to them, set gentle but firm boundaries. This too is part of honoring parents: safeguarding the well-being of the family.
A Caution on Speech and Good Character
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him say what is good or remain silent.” [Bukhari; Muslim]. And he said, “Nothing is heavier in the scale on the Day of Judgment than good character.” [Tirmidhi, rigorously authentic (sahih)]
A household is built on careful words and good character. If one member falls short, the others should respond with patience, gentle honesty, and constant prayer—not with harshness.
Key to Guidance and the Path Forward
Asking is a key to guidance, and seeking knowledge is the path forward.
Your asking is itself a sign of care, and a key to guidance. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The cure for ignorance is to ask.” [Abu Dawud]
Use this as an opportunity to seek knowledge of your religion. Study the Quranic verses on the rights of parents and children, the Prophetic teachings on anger and speech, and the Hanafi guidance on family life. The SeekersGuidance courses on Sacred Law, character, and family are available to you. Reach out to a local scholar, and if needed, a Muslim counselor, for support specific to your situation.
May Allah Most High soften your father’s heart, remove hardship from your home, and protect your family from all harm. May He grant you patience, mercy, and the knowledge that brings hearts together.
And Allah knows best.
[Shaykh] Faraz Rabbani
Related
- How Do I Deal with an Abusive Father and His Constant Shouting and Cursing?
- How Can I Deal With My Father Who Is Angry and Unforgiving With Us?
- How to Find Solace and Peace with Unjust Parents?
- Was I Sinful to Show My Parents My Frustration?
Shaykh Faraz Rabbani is a recognized specialist scholar in the Islamic sciences, having studied under leading scholars from around the world. He is the Founder and Executive Director of SeekersGuidance.
Shaykh Faraz stands as a distinguished figure in Islamic scholarship. His journey in seeking knowledge is marked by dedication and depth. He spent ten years studying under some of the most revered scholars of our times. His initial studies took place in Damascus. He then continued in Amman, Jordan.
In Damascus, he was privileged to learn from the late Shaykh Adib al-Kallas. Shaykh Adib al-Kallas was renowned as the foremost theologian of his time. Shaykh Faraz also studied under Shaykh Hassan al-Hindi in Damascus. Shaykh Hassan is recognized as one of the leading Hanafi jurists of our era.
Upon completing his studies, Shaykh Faraz returned to Canada in 2007. His return marked a new chapter in his service to the community. He founded SeekersGuidance. The organization reflects his commitment to spreading Islamic knowledge. It aims to be reliable, relevant, inspiring, and accessible. This mission addresses both online and on-the-ground needs.
Shaykh Faraz is also an accomplished author. His notable work includes “Absolute Essentials of Islam: Faith, Prayer, and the Path of Salvation According to the Hanafi School,” published by White Thread Press in 2004, which is a significant contribution to Islamic literature.
His influence extends beyond his immediate community. Since 2011, Shaykh Faraz has been recognized as one of the 500 most influential Muslims. This recognition comes from the Royal Islamic Strategic Studies Center. It underscores his impact on the global Islamic discourse.
Shaykh Faraz Rabbani’s life and work embody a profound commitment to Islamic scholarship. His teachings continue to enlighten and guide seekers of knowledge worldwide.
