Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: My daughter is not a practicing Muslim and does not want to talk about Islam. She chose to be artificially inseminated. Her divorced mother supports her. She did this because she did not find the right man. What is my status, as her father? What can I do?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah grant you patience and draw you closer to Him through this trial.
Ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) said, “Whoever has taqwa of his Lord and maintains ties of kinship, his term of life will be prolonged, his wealth will be abundant, and his family will love him.” [Al-Adab Al-Mufrad]
Even though your daughter has sinned, the child she bears is innocent. However, this child will be born into a home which is currently far from Islam. This makes it even more important for you, as the child’s grandfather, to keep strong ties with the child as well as her/his mother. InshaAllah, you will be a positive role model for your grandchild.
Wisdom and tact
Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “Three supplications are answered without a doubt: the supplication of someone who is oppressed, the supplication of someone on a journey, and the supplication of parents for their children.” [Al-Adab Al-Mufrad]
Although it must be extremely heartbreaking to see your own daughter wilfully disobey Allah, please continue to make dua for her. Your duas for her are inshaAllah accepted, even if you do not see them answered immediately.
In addition to that, please spend time with her, and treat her with love and compassion. Do not preach about Islam if this will bring about more harm than good. Show your sincere concern for her in other ways. Support her in her pregnancy, be there for her when she is faced with the reality of caring for a newborn, and do so with an attitude of sincerity and warmth. InshaAllah your good character will soften her heart towards Islam.
Please try your best to uphold good character when interacting with your daughter’s mother. The way you treat her will impact on your daughter’s opinion of you. Having divorced parents can be painful even for adult children, and it is even harder when there is still hostility.
“Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, ‘When (will come) the Help of Allah?’ Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allah is near! “ [2:214]
Please perform the Prayer of Need and beg Allah to grant guidance to your daughter and your unborn grandchild. Never lose hope in the Mercy of Allah. Have a good opinion of Him, and trust that everything happens for a reason. Our role is not to ask why, but to respond in ways which are most pleasing to Him.
Becoming a mother will change your daughter on many levels, inshaAllah. I pray that giving birth and raising a child will bring her closer to Allah.
Please refer to the following links:
What Are Some Prophetic Supplications That Can Help Me Deal With Trials in My Life?
A Reader on Patience and Reliance on Allah
Should I Support Financially the Illegitimate Child of My Deceased Father?
Can I Claim a Child from an Illicit Relationship?
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani