Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam alaykum,

I want to marry my best friend’s brother, but my father is not happy with this. His family approve of me, but my father doesn’t want anything to do with this. I am already in love with him. What do I do?

Answer: Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Wisdom

This is a delicate situation. I encourage you to be patient, and to use wisdom and tact while dealing with your father. He is your wali (guardian), and you need his blessings.

Marriage is so much more than two people in love. It is the joining of two families. Your family will be your rock as you navigate the early chapter of your marriage. It is far, far better to marry with the love, blessings and support from both your families, instead of just your future husband’s.

Father

What are your father’s fears? Many fathers feel that no man is good enough for their daughters. Does he know something about your best friend’s brother? Or did he have someone else in mind for you?

Can your mother speak to your father and understand his perspective? It can be very difficult to communicate to our parents about difficult topics, but please try your best to keep the lines of communication open.

Emotional regulation

You need to work on keeping yourself calm, grounded, and receptive to what your father has to say. I encourage you to read more Qur’an, learn how to meditate, make more dhikr, and other ways of finding your center.

When you learn how to better manage your emotions, then you will feel better about surrendering to the will of Allah. You will also be better ta communicating with your family.

Consultation

Is there a compassionate local scholar or elder who can speak to your father? He or she could help to mediate discussions with your family.

Education

When registration reopens, please enroll in and complete Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages. I encourage your prospective husband to do the same.

I pray that Allah grants you what is best in this life and the next.

Wassalam,

[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.

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"Whoever guides someone to goodness will have a similar reward"-- The Prophet (Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him)