Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah
Question: As-SalamuAlikum. What duas can I make to Allah to enable me to be paired with a Spouse? I am of marriageable age but I am reluctant to find someone for myself or ask my parents for help in this regard due to previous bad experiences.
Answer: Wa’alaykum assalam. I pray you are well insha’Allah. I’m sorry to hear you have had hardships in your life. May Allah turn them into moments of strength and increase in faith.
The correct way to seek a spouse is to first rely on Allah as the sole source of happiness and goodness, supplicate to Him, and then take the means which are available to you in choosing the right spouse, which means making decisions based on your own judgement and the advice of your parents and others, whilst seeking further guidance through Istikhara.
Marriage for the sake of Allah
Before one gets marriage, one should try to ensure that they are grounded in their own practice of the religion, the meaning begin observing the obligatory duties of the region.
One should also make sure that seeking Allah Most High’s Pleasure is the most important purpose of marriage, in that one desires companionship and intimacy from a lawful relationship, in which two people help each other increase in faith, practice and their journey towards Allah.
You may recite the following supplications for a spouse anytime,
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَاماً
‘Our Lord! Grant unto us spouses and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.’ [Qur’an, 25:74]
رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ
‘My lord, I am in absolute need of the good You send me’ [Qur’an, 28:24]
Taking the Means
A man once asked the Prophet ﷺ, ‘O Messenger of Allah, should I tie my camel and trust in Allah, or should I leave her untied and trust in Allah?’ To which the Messenger of Allah ﷺ replied, ‘Tie her and trust in Allah.’ [al Tirmidhi]
Like wealth and other blessings, marital spouses are part of one’s decreed provisions. However, just because they are decreed, it is a mistake to believe that one should not take the means and necessary action to gain the provision. Rather one relies on Allah and then takes action. This is the way Allah Most High has commanded us to live, and to do otherwise is blameworthy.
Taking action here means actively looking for and meeting potential marriage partner, each step weighing up the situation and advice of parents, elders and good friends. Then, one seeks further guidance from Allah through praying Istikhara and supplicating for what is good in each affair.
Hardships and bad experiences happen to us all. In such times, we have to find a way to turn these negative experiences into positive outcomes by learning from them, being patient, relying on Allah alone and being thankful to Him for everything.
At the same time, it is right to be precautious, especially when marrying. Therefore, I suggest you take the steps described above, but be sure to asses each person and situation properly. Do not be afraid to say what you want and what you expect, and ask whatever questions you feel you need to in order to feel absolutely confident you are making the right decision. Similarly, do not be afraid to take a step back if things do not seem right or comfortable to you.
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I wish you all the best and that Allah grants you a pious and loving spouse, and protection from harm.
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.