Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I started having doubts two years ago, and it is driving me insane. Whenever I see a video about Islamophobia, my heart shakes, and when my friends talk about going to Jannah, I feel sad because I might not enter it. I have doubts from the moment I wake up. I have cried every day and asked Allah Most High to remove it. Now I am a disappointment. Please help and pray for me. I don’t want to die a disbeliever. I do pray five times a day.
Thank you for your question, brother. I first want to commend you on praying five times a day and sticking to your most enormous obligation in Islam. This is a great deed that some neglect, and it is the first question that a person will be asked about on the Day of Judgment.
Islamophobic videos should shake your heart; there is nothing wrong with that. But I highly encourage you to stop watching these videos as they have no benefit at all and might even give way to doubts in your religion for you. Leave Islamophobic videos to scholars who should answer to them when called for.
Your plight is everyone’s plight. We all desire nothing more than being granted Paradise without any accounting. Leaving this world with the Testification of Faith on our lips is success itself. This is where intentions come in. Do you have any intention of leaving Islam? I think not. Your intention is the most powerful thing you possess. Use it to intend to believe and pray forever, even if you were to live a thousand years. See this link: Losing Hope and Struggling with the Din
And never despair of Allah’s mercy because He says, “Say, ‘O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.’” [Quran, 39:53]
Allah, Most High, tells us, “Do not lose heart or despair-and you will be superior if you are [true] believers.” [Quran, 3:139]
And the Prophet has said, may Allah bless him and give him peace, “By Him in whose hand is my soul, if you did not sin, Allah would do away with you, and bring a people who would sin and then they would seek forgiveness from Allah, and He would forgive them.” [Muslim]
The Unconditional Hope – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Please keep the company of good religious people, and keep yourself busy serving others and works of charity—idle time spent thinking and despairing is not the way to live your life. Don’t rely on your deeds but on Allah, and turn to Him with reliance and trust. After all, look at all the blessings bestowed upon you; they are innumerable. May Allah give you the best in this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.