What Should We Do Until I Convert and We Can Get Married?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
We stopped talking to preserve our relationship for marriage in the future. I intend to convert, but my family does not know, and we are not ready for a nikah. What should we do now?
Answer
Thank you for your question. You have done a wonderful thing by putting things on hold until the right time comes to get married and be together in a halal way.
Marriage
Converting is not easy at first, and I recommend that converts be Muslim for a year before getting married. I encourage you to do that and spend a year adjusting to the new blessed lifestyle. Seek the necessary knowledge during this time as well. Take a course on Islamic marriage to learn your rights and obligations, and learn how to have an Islamic spirit in the marriage.
I don’t know if you are male or female, but when the right time comes, tell your family and get engaged to your suitor/ prospective bride. You can then get married without needing permission from anyone. Try to involve your parents as it will feel better and be easier with their support, by Allah’s grace. Until the time comes to get engaged, keep your distance, don’t talk or text, and pray istikhara to see if you are marrying the right one.
Dua
I encourage you to say this prophetic supplication daily:
يَا مُثَبِّتَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قُلُوبَنَا عَلَى دِينِكَ
“O You Who makes hearts steadfast, make our hearts steadfast in adhering to Your religion.” [Ibn Maja]
Please see these links as well:
- New to Islam Reader: A Trusted Collection of Resources for Converts
- Am I Sinning by Planning to Marry a Man After He Converts?
- A Girl Wants To Convert To Marry Me. How Should I Explain Islam To Her?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
