Can You Advise Me About Getting Over a Man That I Could Not Marry?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
For years I prayed to Allah to get married to a man if he was good for me. He also made istikhara about me. After some years, we started to talk. My mother and I also made istikhara. He got good feelings, but my mother and I saw possibly negative dreams. My parents wanted me to stop everything, and I eventually did for the sake of Allah. I went through depression but believed this was a test from Him because it made me closer to Allah.
I try to think that Allah only wants the best for me and that there is a blessing in this that I might not see. However, I still struggle thinking about him.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your sadness at something that you wished to have but didn’t come to pass. Your reliance and trust in Allah are commendable, and I pray that you find a man who is even better for you.
Moving On
Moving on is not easy, but I guarantee that you will be able to leave him in the past, with time, patience, and supplication (dua). Delete his contacts, unfollow him on social media, and keep yourself busy with beneficial things. Turn to Allah with regular prayers and reading Quran with the meaning daily. Take courses here at Seekers and review your obligatory knowledge. Keep the company of pious girls who influence you to be your best, and give some of your time to serving your parents, and for charitable or volunteer work. Attach yourself to Allah, and you will find everything else dwindle away.
Please see these links:
How Can I Get Over My Desire of Wanting a Certain Man To Propose to Me?
My Heart Has Been Broken by a Man But I Can’t Move On. How to Get Over This?
How Do I Get Over Feelings for Someone Who Got Engaged to Someone Else?
And please remember this hadith and be content with its meaning in your life, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better.” [Ahmad]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
