How Can I Find a Girl for Marriage When My Parents Can’t Help?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am 27 years old now and I am struggling with marriage. My parents have very few friends, and the only girls that they suggested were not religious (not praying, etc). I always refused but now, I am not sure it was the best decision.

Should one refuse to marry a Muslim woman because she doesn’t perform religious duties, like fasting and praying? How can one meet his future wife without the help of his parents?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration and I understand that your network may be small, but so far, you have made the right decisions.

Choice of Spouse

First, I congratulate you on dismissing girls for the reasons that you gave. This is the ultimate wisdom and I know that Allah will send you a pious girl for it. Please remember this prophetic advice on marriage. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!“ [Bukhari & Muslim] Marrying a girl who doesn’t pray or fast, is quite useless and you should always flee from girls like that.

Network

As for actually finding a girl that is suitable, you will have to get very proactive on the subject. Visit your local mosque and ask the imam if they have a service for matchmaking or if they just know someone. Speak to your married friends and ask them to search for a girl for you among their wives’ friends or families. You may use a Muslim matrimonial website, but be sure to stick to gender interaction limits. And last but not least, turn to Allah, and ask Him during auspicious times to find you a good match. In the meanwhile, make sure you take a free course here on marriage and learn your rights and obligations before you marry. Review your personally obligatory knowledge here with us as well.

Please see these other tips:
What Advice Would You Give Me to Find a Spouse?
Important Traits to Look for in a Prospective Spouse
Difficulty in Finding a Spouse and Losing Hope

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.