What Can I Do If I Fell In Love with Another Man?
Question: I fell in true love with another man despite being married. Can you help me out, please?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I sympathize with your pain and frustration. You have truly gotten yourself into an emotional mess, and I pray that you can soon find your way out.
Gender interaction
Your very situation is the reason for the gender interaction rules in Islam. When one allows one’s heart to open to another and then pursues that feeling, whether in gaze, speech, or touch, one has truly defied one’s Lord, been unfaithful, and caused oneself undue hardship. It is time to pick up your dignity and integrity and to be honest with yourself.
One Option
There is only one option for you here. You must cease and desist immediately from contacting this person, and you must cut him off. Erase his email and phone number, and tell him that you fear Allah and will remain devoted to your family. Whenever he comes into your thoughts, bless the Prophet, or make another dhikr. (i.e. SubhanAllah wa bi hamdihi, Subhan Allahi l-Adheem, astaghfirullah)
Will it be hard at first? Yes. Will you have a broken heart? Yes. But you must go through this pain in order to prevent any further calamity in your life and marriage. If you do not, the results could be disastrous. Your husband will leave you, your children will hate you, you will be shamed in public, and your Lord will be displeased. All this, for what? For a temporary worldly pleasure?
Fall in Love with Your Husband Again
I encourage you to re-connect with your husband and rekindle the fire in your marriage. Put all of your efforts into being kind to him, loving him, spending time with him, and try all sorts of new things with him. Open up to him in a way that you have not before. Look deep into yourself and ask yourself why you were looking for another love. Start your journey there. Try reading these books:
1) https://www.amazon.ca/Love-Languages-Updated-Gary-Chapman/dp/080241270X/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3MF3KC1X7OFY9&dchild=1&keywords=5+love+languages+by+gary+chapman&qid=1602773619&s=books&sprefix=5+love%2Cstripbooks%2C162&sr=1-1
2) https://www.amazon.ca/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0553447718/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=john+gottman+marriage&qid=1602773647&s=books&sr=1-1
Keep it to yourself
Be sure not to mention this other man to him. Your husband does not need to know, and you must resolve this in your own heart. There is no reason to cause him pain and distrust. I pray that you can like newlywed again and give this marriage your all. May Allah guide you, help you through this, and reward you in this world and the next. See these links as well:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/as-a-married-woman-can-i-long-for-another-married-man-at-least-as-a-mate-in-paradise/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/why-has-allah-allowed-me-to-fall-in-love-with-someone-i-cant-marry/
Given the considerations in such cases, please consult reliable local scholars about the specifics of the situation. Jazakum Allah khayr.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
