How Can I Convince My Parents To Meet My Suitor of a Different Culture?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

Previously my parents have been open-minded to intercultural marriage provided the religion and character are good. Suddenly, my sisters say there would be language barriers despite both families speaking English, and they have convinced my parents. The person I’m considering is of good character, deen and has maturity. In fact, a friend introduced us as she felt that we’d be a good match; we are compatible and we are both keen to have the families meet.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I pray that you can open your parents’ hearts to this and find some compromise.

Ethnicity

It is very common for parents to want the same culture for their child, although most of those who live in the West, tend to see their ethnicity as their second culture. You and your suitor have the culture of the country you live in, in common, and that is usually enough. Explain this to your parents and tell them how strongly you feel about this match. Ask them to just give him a fair chance.

Istikhara

The best thing that you can do is pray istikhara and act on it. If it comes out positive, push the point with your parents firmly but politely, and have them meet. Perhaps he can come over with elders of the community that can vouch for him. Ask your sisters to meet him too. If it comes out negative, then Allah is telling you to move on, and perhaps for reasons unknown to you. Ask Allah for guidance, trust in Him and submit to His will, and know that He will cause the best thing for you.

Please see these links for more tips:
Why Did My Parents Reject My Potential Suitor?
What Should I Do About Stubborn Parents Who Refuse My Potential Suitor?
Can A Father Refuse To Meet A Suitor For His Daughter?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.