How to Deal with an Abusive and Irreligious Father?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My father is very abusive towards the whole family. He doesn’t care for us financially, curses all the time, doesn’t pray, and hates all of us. My mother is tired of him as he doesn’t do anything but argue and rages all the time. I am the eldest brother and am so confused about what to do.

Answer

I am so sorry and empathize with your pain. When the head of a household hurts everyone, it’s challenging to figure out how to navigate and live while a victim.

Please see the followings links that beautifully answer your question in detail:
How Can I Help My Mother Despite My Abusive Father?
My Father Verbally Abuses My Mother and Siblings. Is It Sinful for Me to Move Out?
How Do I Deal With an Abusive Father?
How to Deal With a Verbally Abusive Father?
My Father Assaulted My Mother and Me. Can I Move Out?

Options

There are a few options for you, as you can see in the links. It would help if you talked to him when he is not angry. You can get a third party involved to help him change. You can move out with your family to protect them. Or you could concoct a long-term plan to move out and support your family with you to end the abuse. Please be wary of being abusive because this behavior tends to be cyclical.

Ask Allah Most High

Please pray istikhara about what to do and the Prayer of Need during tahajjud time, asking Allah to send you a solution. I am sure that a kind and concerned young man like yourself will not be disappointed when you sincerely seek help from Allah Most High.

No Abuse in Islam

Abuse of any kind is not condoned in Islam. Anas narrated that Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one. People asked, ‘O Allah’s Messenger! It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor? ‘The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, ‘By preventing him from oppressing others.’” [Bukhari]

May Allah grant you the best in this world and the next, and always protect your family.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.