Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

If a mother tells a kid to avoid something, but doing it sometimes is okay, and she says this is because she thinks the act is haram, but the child follows the opinion that it’s halal, and there isn’t any harm to the child, then if the child disobeys her in this matter, but, the child also knows that the mother won’t get too upset about the disobedience, is the child sinful? What if the child knows the mother can easily get over disobeying her, is the child sinful?

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your sincere intentions toward your mother, and may you be a coolness for her eyes.

General Rule

The general rule is that one should try to listen to one’s mother in permissible requests but not if she is telling you to do something haram or makruh (disliked). Obedience to parents is not unconditional; you can see those details in the links below. If your mother prefers that you not do something and it is in your power not to do it, and there is goodness in avoiding that, you should listen to her. There is a potential sin in ignoring what your mother says, especially if one is doing it in the pursuit of entertainment, egotistic, or worldly pleasure. All this being said, specific details would help me answer your question.

Please recall the rank of parents in Islam. Ibn `Abbas said, “If any Muslim obeys Allah regarding his parents, Allah will open two gates of the Garden for him. If there is only one parent, then one gate will be opened. If one of them is angry, then Allah will not be pleased with him until that parent is pleased with him.” He was asked, “Even if they wrong him?” He replied, “Even if they wrong him, even if they wrong him, even if they wrong him.” [Bukhari]

Du`a

I recommend that you say this Quranic du`a daily for your parents, and I pray your children will do the same for you:

رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًۭا

• When May Parents Be Disobeyed, and How?
• To What Extent Should I Obey My Mother?
• Do I have to Obey my Parents if they Order me To Leave Sunnah Acts?
• Should I Obey My Parents in Something That They Told Me Years Ago?
• What Constitutes Disobeying One’s Parents (’Uquq al-Walidayn)?

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.