How Do I Forget About This Person That I Was Going To Marry?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I’ve been talking to this guy for about six months and we ended things four months ago! I know I should already move on but I can’t for we’ve talked about how we were going to get married one day and have kids. We also started talking about sexual things! Everything was going well I really did think he was the one for me, but he then started to get distant from me and he ghosted me for three weeks.

During that time I was drained and couldn’t stop crying. But when I started to ask him about it, he would shut me down and call me clingy! Then finally he told me that he was emotionally unavailable.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are frustrated with the way that this man led you on, and then dashed your hopes, but I pray that you choose to stay within gender interaction rules and approach marriage in the right way.

Disappointment

Getting close to him must have been very enthralling and positively elating, but this is precisely the reason that Islam says that one cannot get close to someone before marriage. In addition to being hurt, you have exposed yourself to someone who didn’t deserve to be able to talk to you like that, and you have incurred Allah’s displeasure. Make sincere tawba for it, and move on. The kind of man you deserve is one who only wants to approach you within Allah’s limits. Be grateful that you didn’t get stuck with him.

Please see this link:
What Are the Conditions of Making Tawba? (Transcript) – Ustadh Abdullah Misra
How Do I Repent from Having Boyfriends in the Past?
Sin, Forgiveness, and Repentance in Islam – Dr Shadee Elmasry

Steps

Here are some steps you can take to remove him from your mind. Unfollow him on social media, delete his phone number, and put him in the past. Donate any relationship reminders to charity, such as stuffed toys or cards. Pray your five prayers on time, ready Quran daily, pray the Prayer of Need. Take up a beneficial hobby, exercise every day, take supplements, and eat healthily. Now is the time to develop good habits so they stick with you for life.

Dhikr

Every time you think of him, immediately push him out of your mind and make dhikr or bless the Prophet. Say “Allahumma salli ‘ala Muhammad“, or, “SubhanAllah, wa al-Hamdu liLlah, wa la ilaha illa Allah, wa Allahu Akbar.” You will overcome this and time heals most pains. Trust in Allah, and promise yourself never to have another boyfriend, but instead marry at the right time.  May Allah reward you for wanting to better yourself.

Most importantly, remember this important hadith,
“You will never leave something for the sake of Allah, but Allah will give you something better in return.” [Ahmad]

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.