Should I Seek Forgiveness From a Girl With Whom I Was in an Illicit Relationship?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad


I’ve been in a haram relationship in my past where things did not end well. We both did some things that hurt each other, and so it was better for us to stay away from each other.

So today after asking Allah for forgiveness for the sins I committed and also for the wrong I’ve done even to her, do I also need to ask her for forgiveness? Because going back even for just a message of forgiveness to her will bring back unpleasant memories. And us not talking, not even for a message to ask for forgiveness seems the better option.

As a Muslim man should I not just stay away from her? That is why I’m wondering how I should handle this in the best manner.


Thank you for your question. No, your inclination is correct. Stay away from her and do not ask for her forgiveness, your repentance is sufficient. If you owed her a worldly item, like a debt, then that would have to be repaid. If that is not the case, staying away from her is far superior.

Please see these links for related answers:
Will I Be Punished for Ending an Online Relationship and Hurting Someone?
Should I Seek Forgiveness from a Girlfriend I Wronged Before I Was Muslim?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.