Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
What is the position of a daughter in front of Allah Almighty when her father pulls away from her?
My husband pulled back his support and love from my 24-year-old daughter and cut himself from her. He accuses her of being selfish. He believes she doesn’t care about her university studies the way she should. He told her how to study. She doesn’t like what she’s studying and she is doing it because my husband chose it for her. She says he is never happy with her, criticizes her for everything, and doesn’t give her any freedom. I’m worried she will go to Hellfire because she doesn’t have his blessing.
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for being worried about your daughter and her afterlife.
Pleasing One’s Father
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “The pleasure of the Lord lies in the pleasure of the parent. The anger of the Lord lies in the anger of the parent.” [Tirmidhi] We acknowledge the importance of a parent’s blessing, but it does not mean that one is obliged to unconditionally obey one’s parents, nor that one is unconditionally destined for the Hellfire. A child must still be respected, treated well, given room to grow, be educated, and be allowed to think instead of being treated like a slave. This is evident from the way that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), treated his daughters.
It sounds to me like your husband is in the wrong, and you should encourage the following:
- Encourage him to have mercy and fear the enormity of cutting off ties of kinship with his daughter.
- Encourage both daughter and father to be good to one another and help them understand that the next world is more important than this world.
- Explain to your husband that his happiness with her should not lie in how she studies.
- Explain to her that children should show respect and goodness to parents even when they disagree with them.
- Tell her to choose silence instead of lashing out, that in itself is respecting her father.
- Encourage them both to obey Allah and His Messenger and put their religion first.
- Your role as a buffer is very important right now.
Please see these links as well:
Obedience to Parents When They Are Being Difficult
Dealing With Difficult Parents and Keeping Promises
Remind them both of what Allah has told us in the Quran, “Those who violate Allah’s covenant after it has been affirmed, break whatever ˹ties˺ Allah has ordered to be maintained, and spread corruption in the land. It is they who are the ˹true˺ losers.“ [Quran, 2:27] and Allah Most High said, “O believers! Seek comfort in patience and prayer. Allah is truly with those who are patient.” [Quran, 2:153]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.